The Normal Middle

MOVING....

2010-06-10T05:04:00.000-07:00

I WILL NOW BE BLOGGING/WRITING ONLY AT:

Come see me over there. This page will stay up to redirect people and so that I have a blogger account to use as necessary for commenting on other blogs. But please, come see me at lindsey-writes.com as I will be posting more regularly there.

The First Day of the Rest of My Life...

2010-06-09T07:33:00.000-07:00

Today begins the first day of the rest of my life.

As of today, I am no longer a public school teacher. I am now pursuing my writing career 100% full time (and moonlighting 2 nights a week at the community college teaching GED...and that's just a temporary thing until I boost my writing business)

I am excited, scared, sad, happy, elated...you name it, I feel it about right now. But I know that I am fully in the center of God's will for this season of my life right now, and that feels wonderful.

Peaceful.

Forgiving yourself....

2010-06-06T15:49:00.000-07:00

People who have a hard time forgiving, tend to live a life of spiritual oppression.

AMEN.

A beautiful day...

2010-05-31T12:48:00.001-07:00

The rain has poured but it's been a great day. I started my day with sleeping in later than usual. At this stage in my life, 8:30 am is bliss. I'll take it every day of the week, thankyouverymuch.

We headed out to visit my grandmother and then we attempted the pool. The rain came falling down just after we lathered everyone up in sunscreen. But I didn't let it ruin my day. We headed home in the storm and have spent the afternoon relaxing on the couch, watching movies and doing pretty much nothing. Feels great.

I even spent some time working on a project for a client this afternoon---I was able to do it sitting on the couch in my jammies. That's the way I want to work...relaxed. I'm much more productive when I'm relaxed. When I sit down to write or edit, I feel a peace about my career that I've never felt before. I'm so excited to be launching off on a new path in just a matter of days. God is so good.

The in laws are coming over for a late Mother's Day and early Father's Day cookout. I'm looking forward to hashbrown casserole.

What a great day! Back to reality tomorrow, though.

Creating Boundaries

2010-05-30T11:17:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I've written. Sorry to all ten of my readers :)

I've been busy cleaning up the aftermath of our robbery/break-in. We've worked on picking up the pieces and moving forward. Some days are better than others. In the long run, everything we lost was just "stuff." Even if it was sentimental, it was only "stuff" and that's not where my treasure is stored. I've struggled more with the fact of someone being IN MY HOUSE without permission and rumbling through my things, without regard for my privacy more than anything else. The **** thieves even went through my lingerie drawer. Ick.

So, anyhow, back to what this post is about. Boundaries. Fits sorta nicely with what I just wrote above. Today my awesome pastor at Daystar Christian Fellowship spoke briefly on the topic of boundaries and it really had me thinking. I've struggled with boundaries lately and it is an area in my personal life that I need to work on.

Sometimes I'm guilty for letting people run all over me in the spirit of "let's all get along." I don't often put up boundaries where I should, because in my experience we're supposed to trust others and love others and people shouldn't set out to hurt other people. I've been too trusting at times, assuming the good in everyone and assuming that even family members would never want to hurt me or my family.

And, I would be wrong.

Now....don't flip out. I'm not saying trust no one and throw up boundaries everywhere. That would be unhealthy on many levels. But, too often as Christ followers we feel obligated to build bridges and throw our boundaries to the wind. We let toxic people influence us in negative ways and we often allow the enemy access into our lives, homes, and families because of this.

We need to guard our hearts and our homes and one way of doing this is to evaluate our boundaries with other people. Yes, we are called to relationship with other human beings, namely the Body of Christ. But this doesn't give us carte-blanche to have it our way all the time, or to allow others to have it their way all the time.

Here are a few things I'm learning:

1. The goal in all our relationships should be God-honoring fellowship. This is true for marriages, friendships, coworkers, and so forth.

2. When we make a mistake or offend someone, we should attempt to set it right honestly and faithfully, with our goal being restoration and peace. This should be done sooner rather than later and it should be sincere.

3. If restoration and peace are not possible after giving it our best attempt (let's face it, sometimes other people are completely unwilling to forgive or listen, no matter how sorry we say we are), we simply walk away without ruining someone. AKA--you don't need to gossip about it and let it fester forever. Simply let it go and move forward.

4. Pray about all things, including boundaries in relationships.

5. Protect your heart, your home, and your family from those who try to cross relational boundaries in an effort to cause strife. This is especially hard when it comes to family members. I was raised and conditioned to believe that parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles and all family members simply loved one another and wanted to be close. This isn't always true. You cannot force relationships, so quit trying. If someone doesn't love you for who you are, it is their loss, not yours. Family is what you make of it, and sometimes you have to go about creating it for yourself. Just because you're blood-related to someone doesn't make them have to love you and treat you nicely. I wish it were that easy, but it isn't always.

6. Don't force things. Read above. Repeat. If someone doesn't want to be your friend, don't take it too personally. There are plenty of fish in the sea (or church, whatever the case may be). Try not to let it offend you and move forward.

Simple thoughts...

2010-05-20T05:54:00.000-07:00

From mnmlist, another favorite blog:

Say less, and hear more.
Do less, and have a greater impact.
Make less noise, and appreciate the silence.
Send out fewer emails, and make each one count.
Tweet less, and each one becomes more meaningful.
Have fewer possessions, and enjoy the space.
Have fewer “friends”, but make each relationship stronger.
Appreciate the spaces between everything.

Take out the "tweets" and you've got my prayer.

The Great Loss....

2010-05-19T07:40:00.000-07:00

As many of you have already heard via email, twitter, facebook or whatever---our home was broken into on Monday. We had over $22,000 of "stuff" taken (and by stuff I mean everything from video games to computers to heirloom jewelry).

But we were not home, we are safe, and the "stuff" can mostly be replaced. I plan to write more on this later---because God is teaching me some HUGE lessons through all of this. But right now I'm too busy with the details of cleaning up and moving forward to sit and write for very long.

Thank you for your prayers and concerns. We hope the detectives will find whomever is responsible for this...they have some good leads.

Squeeze your family---and lock your stuff up---but know, only your REAL treasure is stored in heaven!!!

It's so close I can almost smell it...

2010-05-17T06:56:00.000-07:00

15 days to go until I achieve career freedom and get to pursue what I love to do!!! I am so ready.

I'm also ready for long summer days, the smell of chlorine & sunscreen intermingled in my children's hair, sandy toes, and margaritas. Oh yea, summer break is on the horizon, friends.

The Older I get....

2010-05-16T11:04:00.001-07:00

THE OLDER I GET....

...the more I realize my parents were almost always right about everything.

...the more I realize that life is always changing, but God is not.

...the more I appreciate the little things in life, like picnics and afternoon naps.

...the faster time flies.

...the more I crave authenticity and integrity over prettiness and popularity.

...the more I like myself.

...the less I care about pleasing other people.

...the more I realize you can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends, and you only have a handful of true friends.

...the more precious my children become to me.

...the more I want to give away.

Thank you God for teaching me life's little lessons, day by day. I'm not very patient but You are patient with me.

Food Debates....On Being Poor

2010-05-15T11:24:00.000-07:00

Take some time to read this: Eating Poor It's a little bit controversial in the comments section, but very thought provoking. The post came as a response originally from this post, about feeding a family on a food stamp allowance.

Makes you really think about how you spend your grocery dollars, poor or not.

Encouraging your children

2010-05-11T06:55:00.000-07:00

Today began the onslaught of standardized testing in our public school system. (FYI, I'm thinking of running for governor on the sole platform of abolishing standardized testing in our state. I think every teacher would vote for me.)

The stress, it's hard on a little third grader. So yesterday my little angel got a letter of encouragement from her Dad and I, her Gigi, and her cousin Hillary. She was so tickled to know people were praying for her and thinking of her today and all week as she tested.

This morning I woke her up early and had a leisurely breakfast with her. We talked about the test, but only in an encouraging and lighthearted way.

Sometimes we as parents hold so much power within us to simply stop and ENCOURAGE our kids. I know I don't do it often enough.

I pray that we'll each take a moment today, in some small way or another, to encourage our kids. Tell them you're proud of them, come what may. Let them know you pray for them daily. It will make a difference, I promise.

Stuck in the gap, can't focus...

2010-05-10T07:15:00.000-07:00

I'm 19.5 days away from my "new" career path. I'm winding down one thing, and gearing up for another.

Perhaps that's why I feel so restless and cannot seem to focus intently on what needs to be done.

I am so ready to begin my freelance business full time and wave "buh-bye!" to teaching in a public school classroom. I'm ready to be my own boss, set my own schedule, and have more time with my children. I can't wait to take them to school and pick them up, and hopefully restart homeschooling in due time.

Even if it means eating peanut butter and jelly. A bunch. A whole bunch...

Until then, I must focus.

Mothers Day...

2010-05-09T09:51:00.000-07:00

I always pause a moment on Mother's Day and remember those women out there who don't embrace the holiday with a smile. Many women, through loss of their own mother, infertility, or other circumstances can hardly bear to hear the words, Happy Mother's Day!

Please take a moment to say a prayer and encourage a mother-in-heart in your life. There are so many women who would love to be a mom but for one reason or another, haven't been able to and may never be able to become a mom. Reach out to these women today and remind them how very special they are.

I think also of friends and family who have buried a mother or grandmother in the last year. Sometimes Mother's Day can be bittersweet.

It's the most wonderful time of the year

2010-05-08T09:37:00.000-07:00

I like spring and summer better than Christmas. For me, it truly is the most wonderful time of the year.

I just came inside after planting sweet 100's, Roma's, Cherokee purples, and mortgage lifters (tomato varieties). I cleaned up the herb garden and watered my new azaleas. I love working in my little yard. Just wish I had more money to spend on it sometimes. Gardening can get quite expensive! But it is a worthwhile investment. Those tomato sandwiches and salsas this summer, as well as the canned tomatoes and homemade spaghetti sauces in the winter will be well worth the time, money, and effort.

I've decided that since we have so many patches where I just cannot get grass to grow, I might as well turn the whole acre into a big garden that will produce food for our family.

I'm going to go sit on my covered back porch and read the new Sookie Stackhouse book while I listen to the birds. Life is good!

Scathing Christian Sarcasm

2010-05-06T05:40:00.000-07:00

If you'd like a heavy dose of scathing sarcasm served up ala-Christian style, please take a peek. I wanted to throw up after I read it.

Perhaps it is because I think rock-star church people love Jesus just as much as the people who've got it all figured out, like this lady. I maintain my ministry mantra that we'll do whatever it takes to make Christ followers EVERYWHERE, even having loud rock music and casual dress at our church. What. Ever. It. Takes.

You can be contemporary and still not cheapen the gospel. This lady obviously hasn't been to MY church! :)

I'm so sick of the reformed/not reformed arguments among Christians I just want to scream, can't we all just get along and love Jesus?

Links I'm Loving This Week:

2010-05-04T07:00:00.000-07:00

Brand names disappearing from grocery store shelves

(Bonnet tip to Sallie; she has a great piece on the changing face of the grocery store as we know it!)

My mom sent this to me: Still Tasty A great resource for seeing how long everything stays fresh! Has a really cool question every day like, Should I keep my potatoes in the refrigerator?
Still Tasty also has an iPhone app for those of you who are i-addicts like myself.

1000 Awesome Things...one of my new fave blogs to check each day. Just for smiles, giggles and feel-goodies.

Easy ways to thank a teacher...

2010-05-04T06:09:00.000-07:00

Here are some of my favorite ways to "thank" a teacher during NATIONAL TEACHER APPRECIATION WEEK.

1. Whatever you do, don't buy them something with a school bus or pencil on it. Odds are they've got 1,000 more stashed in a closet somewhere. Coffee mugs are also a no-no. We've got plenty.

2. Volunteer for an hour so your child's teacher can have duty-free lunch in PEACE. Most of the general public does not realize teachers don't get enough time to eat or pee in peace. Even better, arrange, with the administration to cover your child's class long enough for your child's teacher (or teachers) to go OUT to eat for once. This is a GREAT treat! Teachers are one of the few professionals out there who seem to be held hostage inside their buildings all day.

3. Send in a small potted plant, like ivy or daisies. This is an inexpensive gift and makes every teacher smile. A small bouquet of flowers will also do. (You can buy both of these at walmart/aldi's etc for very cheap) The teacher can take them home or leave them at school. Just a little ray of sunshine :)

4. If you know your child's teacher drinks coffee, send in a nice bag of gourmet coffee with a little note attached thanking them for what they do.

5. Volunteer to come in and help clean your child's classroom after school or during the summer workdays.

6. Have your child write a letter thanking his or her teacher for the hard work they do each day. It is especially nice when it comes from the student and is heartfelt and honest.

7. Gift certificates to ANYWHERE are nice, even a $5 gift certificate for a fast-food breakfast on a busy morning. Teachers don't make much money!

8. A basket of school supplies like tape, pencils, staples, post-it notes, etc. is always an appreciated gift.

Teacher Appreciation Week

2010-05-03T06:00:00.000-07:00

Please make sure you THANK YOUR TEACHERS this week. I say this as an educator who is leaving the profession after ten years of teaching in all sorts of capacities! Nobody understands how hard it is to teach day in and day out unless you've been in the classroom as a teacher in your lifetime.

So whether you have kids in public school, private school, homeschool, unschool or NO school...PLEASE, TAKE THE TIME TO THANK A TEACHER TODAY!

A Sneak Peak at my Writing Blog

2010-04-28T06:54:00.001-07:00

If you'd like to take a sneak peak at my writing blog, devoted to my new freelance business, please check it out. Note: it's still very much a work in progress!

Lindsey Writes

Revelation

2010-04-26T16:28:00.000-07:00

I've started to slowly bring things home from my classroom a little bit here and there each day.

I've made one very big revelation in the process: I've spent entirely too much money on organizational baskets and containers.

Links I'm loving this week:

2010-04-25T09:35:00.001-07:00

Procrastinators Guide to Writing (funny, but sometimes too true!)

Society, Reimagined Part 2 (mnmlist is one of my fave blogs ever)

Minimalism, Rethunk

Urban Homesteading On the Rise (NYT article)

Season of Leaves (cool article about eating your greens!)

A true day of rest

2010-04-25T09:13:00.000-07:00

We had all intentions of making church this morning. I've come to absolutely love Sunday mornings because it means I get to go to my awesome church, Daystar Christian Fellowship. This is progress for me because nearly a year ago I hated Sunday mornings. They were guilt-ridden and made me feel awful for no longer wanting to go to church. But since we've found Daystar, we have reconnected with God and I truly enjoy worshipping on Sunday mornings again.

But....we overslept. Got up too late to make first service, so we rolled over and drifted off again. And slept, and slept, and slept some more. I think I finally got out of bed at 11:15. The kids made cereal and took care of themselves. It was a glorious morning. I feel bad for missing church but my body is so rested and thankful for the extra boost.

So in the spirit of a total day of rest, a true Sabbath, I'm not getting out of my pj's today. I'm going to relax and rest and think on good things. I'm going to have church by watching Joyce Meyer on my DVR today.

Date night...ala frugal style

2010-04-24T06:12:00.000-07:00

Last night all three of the children spent the night away with grandparents. Chad and I had a very rare "date night." Problem was, the budget this week didn't allow for a fancy night on the town. We're not exactly that kind of folk anyway....fancy, that is.

So we thawed out two ribeyes we bought on sale a few weeks ago, and fired up the grill. I made my famous hashbrown casserole. We ate together snuggled up on the couch. We talked about the kids and some things that we needed to address without little ears around to hear every word.

We took a hot bath, and I put on my sexy pajamas (blue boxer shorts and an old orange tee shirt, pink fuzzy socks......can you say BEE-U-TIFUL?)

We had too many programs on the DVR to watch to justify ordering a movie, so we watched a few episodes of The Tudors and True Blood Season 2. It was so nice.

We collapsed into bed by 9:30.

I slept in until 8:15 this morning. No little feet crossing the kitchen to wake me up, no demands for breakfast or a snack. It was just nice and quiet. Almost TOO quiet, really.

I think that's how you do a "date night" after seventeen years of being together. Truth be told, I like our date nights now much better than before when we would have gone out and spent $100 on a nice dinner and a movie. Perhaps its my switch to a frugal/minimalist lifestyle. But I think more than anything, it has to do with the fact I'm so comfortable with him, in a GOOD way, that we no longer need those sorts of trappings to make us happy.

The Lord gives and takes away

2010-04-23T03:58:00.000-07:00

This morning I've been in one of my "deep" pondering moods...which as I have written before, can be quite dangerous. I get too introspective sometimes and Chad often tells me I think too much for my own good.

I've been thinking about the past ten years of my life and how much has changed in those years. Most noticeably, I've been blessed with three beautiful children who have positively turned my world upside down...in a good way.

In ten years I've worked as a kindergarten teacher, a 4th grade teacher, a stay at home mom and homeschool mom for almost seven years, and I've been a 6th grade math and science teacher for the past two years.

And things are changing again. I'm taking a leap of faith and starting my business as a freelance writer, which has been a "side-job" for many years. But it has always been the song deep in my heart, to write for a career. So I'm leaping, perhaps a bit blindly, but I'm leaping. As of June 11 I'm no longer employed as a public school teacher. I'll be working at home as a writer and teaching some GED classes at the community college part time two nights a week.

I plan on growing my writing business as much as possible this year. My plan had originally been to take the kids back out of school and homeschool again (which is also a song deep in my heart...I'm a firm believer in home education). But after much thought and prayer, I'm probably going to keep the kids in public school for one more year while I take the time to build my business. I just don't think I could do them both equally well; my time and attention would be divided. But the plan is to work very diligently this upcoming year while the kids are in school growing my freelance business...and then hopefully bring them all back home the following year to home educate again.

But putting all that aside, what I've been pondering this morning is friendships. In the last ten years I've had friendships start and stop, surge and pause. Many of my homeschool and stay-at-home-mom friends lost touch with me when I had to go back to work. Some of that was not intentional, and some of it was. I don't say that in a mean spirit, but there were folks who took it very personally that I was quitting homeschool and putting my kids in school to go back to work as a public school teacher.

When I went back to work two years ago, I started making some very dear friendships at my current school. In the last two years I have become good friends with several of my coworkers. And I am going to miss them as I step forward in this new chapter in my life. I just pray I do a good job keeping in touch.

Life is full of changes. Nothing is permanent. The only thing that is constant, is the love of God and His presence in our lives. We must be flexible and adaptable.

Amazing photos from erupting volcano in Iceland

2010-04-22T07:07:00.000-07:00

Amazing photo essay with fantastic photos of the Icelandic volcano eruption. It is interesting to see how life is affected by this massive eruption! Cars look like they're driving through snow, but instead, it's all ash....

Check it out here.

Comments On

2010-04-21T06:24:00.001-07:00

Okay, so I turned the comments back on. We'll see how long that lasts. I hate managing comments. I like replying, just not managing the spam.

2010-04-20T05:11:00.000-07:00

Sitting…at the computer, thinking about writing.

Wanting…a good cup of Starbucks coffee. Oh well. No Starbucks around here so Keurig will have to do. I love my Keurig so it's all good.

Enjoying...LIFE. Just glad to have another day to live. Some days I'm better at this than others.

Reveling…in the sound of my children. They bring me such unspeakable joy. Even when they're "Bad" they're good!

Thinking…about many things; the launch of my writing business this summer, a change in work schedule, budgeting, my mind is definitely centered on big changes happening in our family.

Anticipating…that God will provide.

Considering…that the older my kids get, the more they really need me to be involved in their day to day lives.

Realizing…I've got it pretty darn good. I'm very blessed.

Thankful…for a warm bed, a warm cup of coffee, and people who love me.

Teaching simplicity to children

2010-04-19T06:07:00.001-07:00

This weekend I had a refreshing experience, and it came in the form of a very simple, fun birthday party. Our neighbor across the street held a birthday celebration for her three year old. She kindly invited my children (who, consequently love her kids too).

This birthday party had everything a child could want or need: family, friends, cake and presents. (and you don't even NEED all those things, but on a birthday, they're really nice to have!)

The mom had toys out back for the little ones to play on. There were blankets spread to sit on, and picnic tables set up to eat at. There was a modest display of food for everyone; crackers, cheese, chips, dip, fresh fruit, and soda...followed by cake and ice cream.

The kids ran around and played for hours. The big kids (6th grade I believe was the oldest) chased the little ones and helped supervise. The adults chatted and watched as the kids had good old fashioned backyard fun. A good time was had by everyone. And the big kids weren't bored a bit. In fact, I think they treasured being able to be "in charge" of the littlest children.

When it came time for the presents, everyone sat down on the blanket and watched Norah open her gifts. Each gift was presented to her by the person who gave it. Everyone was engaged, and while there were plenty of presents, it was not a gift-giving orgy of an affair. There were enough presents, and it wasn't a consumerpalooza of toy after toy.

So, why was this refreshing?

Simply because....it was simple. As a mom to three school aged kids, I've been around the birthday circuit one too many times. We've been to skating parties, pool parties, pizza parties, fancy parties, parties with themes, parties with horses, even parties with spa treatments! One kid we knew couldn't decide between Chuck E Cheese and Pump It Up for a birthday, so lo and behold, his parents held TWO parties for him, one at each location. Another person we know of had fake snow blown outside for a "winter" themed party to the tune of $500! (and it was for a FIRST birthday, mind you!)

And we wonder why kids are spoiled and why adults are in financial trouble?

I've seen just about everything. And each time it seems to make me feel a little bit inadequate as a parent. I know I shouldn't feel inadequate but it is hard teaching your children simplicity when every kid in their class has $300 parties. Even the sweetest, best of kids will occasionally ask mom, when do I get to have an ______ party too?

Here are a few things we've tried that seem to work for our family:

1. Make birthdays special family days. If you live in our house, and it's your birthday you can expect certain things. We'll all wake you up singing a rousing chorus of Happy Birthday! The phone will ring off the hook with your aunts and uncles, grandparents, and cousins calling to wish you happy birthday. Usually Memow gets to everyone first...it's sort of a competition. You also get to choose a special place to eat out that day.

2. Parties OR presents. Some years when my oldest has particularly wanted a party, I've given her a choice. You can have a party, or you can have a present from us, your parents. Your choice. One year Cleo really wanted Kit, the American Girl doll. It was a pricey gift, so we said no party.

3. Simple parties. You know, invite a few friends over for a sleepover. Order some pizza. Have a cake. Play games, stay up late. Or, invite family and a few friends over for a birthday cookout. There are so many ways to have simple, inexpensive birthday fun.

4. Big parties only for big birthdays. I have a friend who utilizes the rule of "five"....at 5, 10, and 15 you can have a big party. With lots of friends and at a special place. I've yet to utilize the rule. We did have big parties for our children one year, but it is really hard to pull off when you have three kids and two of them have December birthdays! In all actuality, my children seem to prefer the smaller simple parties. Which makes me very happy.

5. Foster gratitude. Teach your children how very blessed they are. Elaborate parties are not required to have a happy birthday. Many children across the globe see birthdays pass year after year without even a cake...and maybe not even acknowledgement of their special day at all. Some may have never even had a cake!

Links I'm loving this week:

2010-04-17T16:11:00.000-07:00

Fascinating photo story of wealth and mystery about one of America's most prominent families; except you've probably never heard of them!

One of my new favorite blogs...Living The Frugal Life

The World-o-meters (scary, fascinating, intriguing, and a little addictive too): World statistics updated in real time.

Another new fave blog; Stonesoup (cooking stuff)

Moving forward

2010-04-17T08:28:00.000-07:00

This whole week has been overall, a good one. God has pricked my heart and has given me mercy and grace that I have needed so much lately. In my quiet times it is as if I hear Him whisper to me that I'm free, I'm loved, and it's time to move forward. So that's what I'm doing. Moving ahead, come what may.

Today is a beautiful Saturday. It isn't too hot yet, which is nice this time of year. I plan on working in my yard all afternoon. That brings me much peace and joy.

I've gotten a few emails about comments here on the blawg. I keep them off right now. I just enjoy this being my one-way conversation. For now. I may reopen comments at another time and place.

Happy Saturday everyone! Squeeze those you love the most.

Things that annoy me...

2010-04-16T06:45:00.000-07:00

Talk about a shift in mood, right? Yesterday I wrote on sweet things. Today I write on some little things that annoy me.

1. Having a waiter/waitress that is trying to hustle me out the door so they can flip my table. Please, let me eat in peace. Do not drop off my entree and then come back in five minutes asking if I'm ready for my check. Just fill my iced tea regularly, and give me enough time to eat and breathe in peace.

2. Sinus congestion. Out of all the different classes of being sick, I think I hate sinus infections and allergies the worst. At least a tummy bug is over in a matter of hours or a day, whereas sinus issues tend to linger on and on and on and on... (this written as I suck on a cough drop)

3. Parents who don't keep adequate check on kids school supplies. Please, send your kids to school with paper and pencil at the bare minimum. One pack of paper and one pack of pencils will NOT last the entire school year. Check in with your kids and make that trip to Walmart. If you have to, plan around pay day. I know all of us aren't millionaires, but if you can afford cigarettes, you can buy paper and pencils for your kids school supplies!

4. Krazy Fonicks. I hate it when a business uses phonetic spellings like "Kris' Kwik Mart" or "Klassy Kutz by Kay" It just annoys me. I'm pretty sure if you want to use the word classy to describe your business or yourself, it needs to be spelled correctly.

5. Overalls. Unless you're a farmer, ranch hand, or a cute two year old, you really shouldn't wear overalls. I wore them too many times as a pregnant lady and I think I lost my taste for them.

6. People who can't use the spellings of the words two, too, and to in the correct context. Add to that list vary and very.

The sweetest things...

2010-04-15T07:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the sweetest things in life are the simplest of things. My three children bring me so much unspeakable joy these days. Some days I think they're the only good things in my life. I know that's not true, but on my really low days they are the three things that keep me moving forward.

Recently, I'm not exactly sure when, but my son has started calling me Mommy-mom. It is about the most precious thing to my ears. He'll snuggle up beside me and look at me with those chocolate eyes and say I love you, Mommy-Mom so much. You're the best Mommy-mom in the world. Priceless.

Marcy, my middle daughter, has begun writing stories. She's in first grade and is very proud of the fact that she can write more than one sentence by herself. She will write us a story every day and it usually goes something like this: "My mom is cool. My dad is cool. I love my mom. I love my dad. I love my familie." (yes, that's how she spells it!) Our refrigerator is plastered with these precious scribblings.

Cleo, my oldest, is just blossoming every single day. She's quickly turning into a young lady. She loves to read, draw, and work her magic artistically. There are days I look at her and my heart hurts because she's grown so quickly and I miss those baby and toddler days that now seem long ago. But I'm also proud of her and the young lady she's becoming. She's a very sensitive, smart little girl.

Okay, so this post turned into a mommy brag. Thanks for letting me share; my children are the most precious things in my life. Please treasure your children. They are one of God's sweetest gifts to us each day.

Taking the time to rest

2010-04-14T15:50:00.000-07:00

I'm no marathon runner. I'm just one of those people whose body requires lots and lots of sleep. My husband jokes with me on Sunday afternoons when I retire to the bedroom to "rest my eyes for a bit." He knows that is usually lingo for gimme-a-guilt-free-three-hour-nap-please!?

One of the things I've had issues with in my life is rest. I'm a do-er by nature. I'm always busy. I always have something I think needs to be done. It could be reorganizing the sock drawer, changing out closets for the season, dusting baseboards, organizing files...you get the picture.

I have not been very good at allowing myself dead time, or down time. But the older I get, the more I crave it. And I've finally started giving into it. So what if I take a two (or three) hour nap on Sunday afternoons? It recharges my batteries.

In today's society we are multitaskers to the death. We don't feel right if we're not juggling more than one thing at a time. It's no wonder we're depressed, anxious, and tired. For me, part of that is chemical. But part of it comes directly from the choices I make to stay busy all the time.

Stop. Rest. Relax.

I highly recommend a period of rest. That doesn't mean sleep. It can mean simply sitting on the couch or in a chair, being mindful of your surroundings for a few minutes. It can mean chewing your food slowly at a meal, savoring the flavor slowly. It can mean sitting outside in the sunshine, letting the wind blow on your face as you let your mind go as blank as possible.

So many ways to relax. Quit multitasking and single task. Your one single task is to take fifteen minutes (or whatever you can spare) to do nothing but rest and relax.

Beauty of doing

2010-04-12T07:03:00.000-07:00

Whatever it is that you find yourself doing: be it work, prayer, eating, snuggling, talking with a friend, choose to be present in that moment fully. Make the choice to slow down, enjoy, and process moment by moment.

Multitasking can be good at times, but we live in a society that seems to only know how to multitask. You need to be able to slowly, consciously do one thing at a time.

Good thoughts for me today. Thanks to Leo for his constant encouragement.

Minimizing emotional drainers

2010-04-12T03:31:00.001-07:00

Today's post is inspired by my blog friend, Sallie. She wrote a great piece on something I've wanted to write for awhile and can't seem to get the right words to do so: Limiting or minimizing emotional drainers.

I'm finding the older that I get, and the more I really want to tackle my anxiety and depression, I need to learn to minimize those things that expend me emotionally. Some people may accuse me of sticking my head in the sand or making things all about myself; that's fine. I'm a big girl and that type of criticism doesn't bother me anymore. Usually when someone criticizes you for making something all about yourself, it's only because they're upset you're not making it all about them.

We all have emotional drainers in our lives, and it would behoove us to identify those who suck the lifeblood out of us and proceed with caution or limited contact. Here are a few that I've identified in my life:

1. Facebook. Got rid of it. Not sure if I'll bring it back or not. I'm fasting it for at least 40 days. I really don't miss it. While I do miss pictures of friends kids, etc I do not miss the constant diary-entry drama that goes on over there. Not to mention the misconstrued comments that only create more drama.

2. News. I'm a very informed person. As a writer you have to be. But you can only take so much at once. I do not need to watch news 24/7, no matter what the cable news networks try to tell you. I usually get my news once every few days from television. I read the AP wire daily online, and I click thru if there is something of interest I want to read, or feel I need to read it.

3. Politics. I've got my opinions. I've learned politics is much like religion. You ain't gonna convert anyone. So I stick with my core beliefs and I quit trying to persuade everyone around me to agree with them.

4. Family & friends. I love my family and friends. Even those who have the potential to drive me crazy. But sometimes you just gotta say "I'm out." There are people who you can apologize to over and over and it is never good enough. Apologize and move on. Eventually they will, or they won't. The older I get, the more I realize those people who mean most to my children and me are those people who personally invest in our lives. Sometimes those people are family, and sometimes those people are friends.

5. Work drama. As a public school teacher, believe it or not, work drama is too easy to find. I try to stay in my classroom and keep to myself when it doesn't concern me. Flying under the radar is the best way to go at work, if you ask me.

I'm learning more and more as I walk this path called life. Emotional drainers just are not worth my emotional energy.

The hardest thing...

2010-04-10T16:56:00.000-07:00

One of the hardest things about depression is not being able to explain how you feel or why you feel the way you do to other people. My husband loves me more than any other person on this planet, but sometimes when I'm really battling I cannot make him understand why I feel the way I feel. Which causes some awkwardness and he feels bad he can't make me better.

It just sucks and I wish it would GO AWAY once and for all.

Links I'm Loving

2010-04-09T07:20:00.000-07:00

Friday's Link Love:

Frictionless Life

Price of Convenience

Family Dinner Night (a really cool idea; wouldn't want to do it weekly, but monthly would be great)

9 Tricks to save $1,000 on Coffee Each Year (ouch! But I have to admit, I love my Keurig)

And the rain came falling down...

2010-04-09T06:00:00.000-07:00

I never seem to know when the rain will come. The tears, I mean. Lately my depression has been so splotchy that I find myself constantly walking on egg shells, so to speak. I will literally have an up day emotionally, a down day, a really up day, a really down day, followed by a few okay days. (no, I'm not manic). It is so hard to predict. My poor husband.

The littlest things can just set me off crying. I find it so hard to pray. Well, I AM still praying but every time I pray out loud about anything, the tears flow. I just seem to lose it. And if I pray out loud in a group setting or with Chad, it really flows. It is a little bit embarrassing.

Overall, this week has been a good week. Sure, I've had a few down days or down moments peppered in, but overall this week has been boo-coodles better than last week. Last week was the week that could have put me over the edge in a bad, bad way. Things have leveled out overall, for which I am deeply thankful.

I'm not a person most would label a Bible-thumper. I'm not the best Christian in practice. I must tell you, it is becoming VERY obvious to me that the more time I spend in God's word the better off I feel. The days where I make a conscious effort to read my Bible, even just a little bit, I notice that my mood is much better.

When I write in my prayer journal, it is cathartic. When I write here on the blog about my struggles it helps. For me, writing is the best therapy there is. I especially love to go back and read old entries in my prayer journal, seeing days where I probably felt rock bottom. It helps to look back and remember, and it helps me to give myself a little bit of mercy and grace as I try and move forward.

In our area, we just picked up a local K-Love station (I've always loved K-Love but we've never had a clear signal anywhere near us). That has been MIRACULOUS for me. I have listened to praise and worship all week and that has made a difference in my attitude.

So that's my advice to fellow friends suffering from depression/anxiety/general moodiness: GET IN THE WORD when you can. It will make you feel so much better, I can almost guarantee it!

She doesn't get it all done, either...

2010-04-08T06:00:00.000-07:00

Excellent perspective on what it means to "get it all done" and how we can easily lie to ourselves. I love Sharon's blog. It's a daily favorite. FYI, it has some language but that doesn't bother me. Just didn't want anyone to be blindsided.

And another post from another blog I love, Get Rich Slowly: time-debt....yes, folks, that would be not having enough hours in the day to accomplish everything you wish to accomplish.

Memory Lane

2010-04-07T07:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I spent some time pondering on what it means to successfully raise children. I don't know where you are in your life. You may have young children, grown children, or no children. You may have a basketball team size of a family, or you may be childless by choice. You may be going through infertility, and even talking about children is very hard for you. You might have a blended family of his & hers, mine and ours children. As we know, families come in many flavors...and you know what? That's perfectly okay.

Some of us are raising children with special needs. That can mean anything from having a child with a mild speech delay to a very serious illness, and everything in between. A friend of mine recently lost her daughter to cancer, and our former worship pastor and his wife are walking the cancer journey alongside their sweet daughter Kate. I can hardly imagine how Aaron and Holly feel, and I pray every day for their family.

Yesterday, as I sat in a waiting room at the children's hospital for Marcy's checkup appointment with the pediatric orthopaedist who treats her arthrogryposis, I watched so many people go by. I saw people who had it worse than us, and people who had no idea what diagnosis they were getting ready to walk into. There were profound needs all around us, and stories of miracles like Marcy as well.

There was the sweetest baby sitting near us who had on his orthotics and chubby little specially-made shoes. I remembered the hassle of trying to find shoes that fit on top of the orthotics, that still looked like real shoes. I wanted her so badly to have some "real baby booties" like all the other babies had. Someone our therapist knew crocheted her a pair that would slip right over her orthotics. I still have those booties to this day and they are one of my most precious possessions. I couldn't believe that a stranger who didn't even know us would take the time to make a special pair of baby booties for my little girl. It was one of the smallest acts of kindness that meant so much, and still does.

Marcy is now seven years old and we have spent countless hours at Brenner Children's hospital with her. When she was a baby, we were there at least 3 times a week for therapy and appointments, if not more. As she's grown, we thank God that her health has greatly improved and we need their services less and less.

But yesterday I took that trip down memory lane, walking through years of unknowns and foggy diagnoses, and just thanking God that we've come through better, stronger, and more resilient. And Marcy's doing great.

I just wanted to share.

What I'm loving this week

2010-04-06T05:36:00.001-07:00

Here are some of my favorite reads so far this week:

34 Little Ways to Share with the World

Possessions = Security ?

Food Absolutism

Tourist In Your Own Town---I plan on doing this, but haven't yet....

Freaky Scientist Proves Parallel Universes May ACTUALLY Exist (Not an April Fools Either)

Act Green (good website for Earth Day activities for those of you so inclined)

Change can be good

2010-04-05T12:41:00.000-07:00

If you are my old facebook friend here reading at "The Normal Middle" blog then hello :)

I decided to take down my facebook today after months of pondering it. The final blow came when my husband said something to me about letting other people's lives bother me too much. I had secretly thought that maybe, just maybe, I was a becomeing a little bit (okay, a whole lot) TOO connected to people. Not that I didn't want to be at times, I did. Prayer requests and seeing friends kids photos are GREAT. I liked that part of facebook very much and I'll probably miss it. But the constant drama over this or that (like posting a simple status update that gets misconstrewed to mean the world is ending) is more than I need in my life.

I started a few months ago and took down my friends from 500+ to only about 130. I started getting private messages with deleted-friends saying "why did you delete me?" and people had their feelings hurt. How do you tell them: well, it was just too much drama keeping up with 500 people's problems so I just didn't want to anymore, cause I got enough drama and problems of my own!

So....

After months of thinking about it, I took the whole thing down. And guess what? It feels good!

To make it "stick" I even deleted my facebook app on the iPhone. So please, if you are a facebook friend visiting me here at the blog, it wasn't you. It was me. ALL ME.

I need a social-networking diet right now. I like this blog because it is MY one-way conversation (I can turn comments off or on, and right now they're off). It allows me to write for therapy, which I love to do, and need to do.

I still have Twitter and I'm unsure about it. I like twitter because it doesn't have all the games/bells/whistles that Facebook had. I can just check in and post a status and it even limits how many characters I can type! Hurrah for simplicity! But....I have a sneaky feeling it may go "tweet tweet" right out the window too.

Technology is a great, great thing. I'm a self-proclaimed techie & gadget addict. But....there are limits to good things. I'm just trying to simplify. Maybe I'll move into an Amish circle that allows me to keep my iphone?

I need help with the overwhelmed part

2010-03-29T15:51:00.000-07:00

The biggest obstacle I face as a wife and mom is the feeling of being overwhelmed.

Homework, times three kids.
Dinner, times three kids.
Baths, times three kids.

And don't forget to cook healthy meals, exercise 30 minutes a day, read your Bible, pray, cultivate friendships and relationships, pay the bills (on time), love your spouse (!) and get all the laundry caught up.

Keep a clean house.
Read worthwhile books.
Call a long lost friend.

The list goes on and on. And meanwhile I spin my wheels. If only I knew the magic remedy for feeling UNDERWHELMED?

Choosing Fruit

2010-03-28T17:52:00.000-07:00

I just spent about three hours on a project for a client so I can't really believe I am still writing. But sometimes that is how it works; I write when I feel led to write, especially when I'm writing for myself. The words just flow, almost like a conversation. It is cathartic, sweet, and better than therapy, really.

This morning at church our pastor was speaking on the fruits of the spirit. Before you groan, yes...I know...you've heard that sermon at least 1,000 times if you've been in church for any decent amount of time.

Today was different. Today my Pastor set me free and he didn't even know it. He said that the fruits of the spirit are signs of a life being led by Christ. When we chase after God, after Him, we get some of the sweet goodness of the fruits of the spirit. Some. Notice I didn't say all.

To get them all, would mean perfection. And folks, we know about the fallen world, sin, and the lack of perfection this side of heaven. None of us are perfect and none of us will exhibit all the fruits of the spirit 24/7. Just isn't going to happen.

What is going to happen is this: THE MORE WE CONNECT WITH CHRIST, THE BETTER WE WILL REFLECT CHRIST.

We reflect Christ by the fruits of the spirit.

Simply stated from today's sermon:

LOVE: We must love others first; love never fails anyone. No one is so bad they do not deserve love.

JOY: deep down feeling of well being, not related to our current circumstances. Joy is NOT happiness.

PEACE: anxiety and worry are the antithesis of peace. We should fix our attention on God to get our peace. He has promised it to us, and it is rightfully ours to have.

PATIENCE/LONGSUFFERING: tolerating imperfect people in an imperfect world. We're all broken and we all have been tolerated by God. We have not arrived.

KINDNESS: Tender concern for other people. We should not be cold and indifferent to the world and people around us.

GOODNESS: A choice to live a moral life; making good choices that line up with God's word.

FAITHFULNESS: We are loyal and can be trusted.

GENTLENESS: We should strive to be meek; submissive and teachable.

SELF-CONTROL: We are able to be restrained. We find wisdom in our words. We are sensitive and smart with our words and our actions. We offer ourselves as a sacrifice, even when it doesn't seem "right" to do so.

Yeah....good stuff today. Ponder on that awhile!

Authenticity

2010-03-26T16:26:00.000-07:00

I am what I am. No more, no less. And as the old saying goes, you can like it or leave it.

I hate to be crass, but that's pretty much how I feel these days.

I'm tired of pretenses. I'm tired of "friends" who are really no more than acquaintances that do not have your best interests at heart. I'm tired of pretentious people. I'm tired of "religious" people who use God as a bargaining chip to make you feel bad about yourself.

Give me a rogue that can admit to being a rogue over a self-professing Christian who acts like a unholy rascal every single day of the week. Maybe that's why people with unsavory backgrounds bother me less than it bothers other Christians. I can handle the non-Christians behavior better than those who say they're good but act like dirt. Just give me honesty.

I'm striving for authenticity in my life and I find the older I get, the more important it is to me. I'd rather have just a handful of friends that are true friends. And, I'm also learning you can't always trust your family. Sometimes the only thing you have in common with family is the fact that you're forced to be related, and nothing more.

Move forward. Dump the guilt. Be authentic.

Yea, that works.

Stress will make you sick.

2010-03-24T12:30:00.000-07:00

If you don't believe me, try it.

I have had a heck of a few months and I think it all finally came crashing down yesterday. I came home from school with that aura-like feeling a migraine was coming on. I've had maybe 5 migraines my whole life so I'm no expert---but if you've never had one, you have no idea how not-fun they are until you do. When I get them I get sick to my stomach and the back of my head hurts so badly that all I want to do is have someone rub my head for hours on end. I also get tense in the temples and I feel very foggy and confused. It's like a temporary case of dementia for me.

So I came home from work only to think I had time to rest; I forgot it was girl scout night! With some trepidation took Cleo to scouts....and then came home just in time for it all to head south. Chad gave me some "happy pills" to fight off the migraine and it helped, but I did not sleep all night. I was in that weird place that is not sleep but is not consciousness either---that place between sleep and not sleep. I woke up this morning to a 4:30 am alarm and literally could not get out of bed. The meds made me sleepy and dizzy and I knew there was no way I could make it at school.

So I called in sick. I really didn't want to do that; I'm like -5 days in the hole now. Oh well. That's what happens when you have kids who stay sick all winter. Moms do what they have to do.

I know the migraine was stress related because the few times I've had them that is exactly what brings them on. Don't feel sorry for me; I know you are all stressed too. We have all just need to learn how to manage our stress better. I'm working hard on that. But it feels like one step forward, three steps backward.

So today all I did was sleep and rest. I did veg out on the couch and watch a little tv, which I never get to do in the daytime. There is NOTHING on, in case you were wondering.

I'm feeling tons better. Just coming out of that post-migraine fog! Keep the stress AWAY from me, please.

Thinking Deeply

2010-03-23T05:09:00.000-07:00

Today is one of those days where I find myself deeply introspective. It can get dangerous, I tell you. I am really seeking God about my anxiety and depression and I am crying out for HIM to make a way in the darkness.

Lately, there is so much darkness about I don't know what to do. Some days I just want to stick my head in the sand and rely only on my husband and children. It often feels very much "us against the world" and I hate that feeling.

When God leads...

2010-03-22T05:41:00.000-07:00

We should follow. Easy enough.

Right now God is dealing with me on so many things in so many areas I can't even seem to stop and process it all at once.

-working on my anxiety and depression with God and learning how to have my rightful portion of His perfect peace. This is not an easy one, friends. It is so hard for me. So, so, so hard. It is a daily battle and I must learn to lean on God more than I do anything or anyone else. But God keeps placing people, words, verses, and situations right in my path and I cannot ignore this any longer. He wants to do a mighty work in me through this storm in my life.

-Keeping my life "small" : God is working on my heart about learning to live life simply. Enjoy what I have. Quit seeking approval from everyone and anyone. Develop intimate friendships with a few.

-Daily submission: Give up having to have the last word. Give up having to know everything and every plan He has for me. Trusting Him for every thing I need.

-My career path. I am feeling more and more led to explore my writing business. I don't know exactly what this means yet. Just keep praying here....

That's it for today. Nothing profound. But big changes coming in my life in many areas.

Suffering in silence

2010-03-19T17:48:00.000-07:00

I have a secret to tell you. In today's "church" there are many people who are suffering silently. Suffering from anxiety, depression and mental illness. We're too scared to speak up and tell you how we feel.

Why, you ask?

Perhaps it has something to do with the fact the sign out front of the church proudly boasts "You're too blessed to be depressed!" Doesn't exactly say "Crazy People Welcome Here!" does it?

I've suffered with diagnosed depression, anxiety, and OCD now for over 2 years. I say "diagnosed" carefully. If you ask me, I've had these symptoms for years just at milder levels that were easier to ignore and hide if need be. I've been a high strung worrier my WHOLE life. But about three years ago my simple worries turned into a debilitating daily battle.

It makes many people in my life uncomfortable when I'm this open about it. Some people flat out deny there is anything "wrong" with me. And God bless them for that. But I live in my own skin, and I know what I know. I have had a real problem, and I continue to battle it daily. In fact, I'm pretty damn sure I will battle this for the rest of my life (sounds super optimistic, doesn't it????). I just know my mind like I know my body.

I've tried many things:

-prescription drugs (zoloft, prozac, ativan to name a few)
-natural meds (methylfolate which is a hyped up/souped up version of folic acid)
-therapy (Christian and non-Christian based)
-read about every book on the subject
-adjusted my diet (no sugar seems to help a great deal...I'm just too lazy to do it long term)

The good news is some of it works. The bad news is, some of it works. I say that not jokingly. The prescription drugs worked wonders for me, but they came at a price. I quit feeling God. I hated being "flatlined" emotionally all the time. I couldn't stay awake half of the time and I quit caring about things I used to love. But hey, at least I wasn't crying 24/7 and feeling like I wanted to jump out of a window.

I've finally come to a place of ACCEPTANCE. I can deal with this for life. It isn't fun, and it isn't pretty at times, but it is what it is.

I just want other people, namely the church, the body of CHRIST to quit judging those people within the body who have depression, anxiety, OCD, bipolar disorder, and other types of mental illnesses. We're not lepers. I know it makes many people uncomfortable, but please...treat us like you would anyone else with disease such as cancer or diabetes.

And for heavens sake, do not put you're too blessed to be depressed! on your church sign out front.

A word a day...

2010-03-16T14:32:00.000-07:00

This morning as I was driving to work, I was listening to the radio and heard a local pastor talking about his idea of adopting a word a day. I liked his philosophy: instead of running around, incessantly making up more and more to-do lists, we should instead focus on one WORD a day. Not even one sentence. Just a word.

And the theory is, as you focus more and more on that one word, the more tuned in you will become to being or doing that word.

So my word for today is: SLOW.

I'm trying to slow down. Focus on the important things. Slow down, stop, and smell the roses.

Eating slowly, chewing my food and enjoying each bite. Thus, eating less.
Spend time slowly snuggling my husband and kids.
Slowly focusing on one thing at a time at work instead of insanely multi-tasking away.

Society tells us that to be successful we must learn to multi-task. And there is part truth in doing so. But too often our multi-tasking turns into sheer busy-ness and we get very little accomplished in truth.

So today, I'm being slow. Intentionally slow.

Resisting Distractions

2010-03-15T09:12:00.000-07:00

Today is day one of Lindsey's mission to resist distractions in her life. I'm focusing on living a more spirit-led life. One that is abundantly full of loving God, loving my family, and loving myself.

I was doing my semi-daily blog run when I ran into this list at ZenHabits. It's one of my most favorite blogs out there. Very simple, very easy to understand. Yet it seems so hard to actually ACHIEVE these things...

ENJOY! (ZenHabits is "un copyrighted" meaning...he likes for you to steal his stuff and pass the goodness around!)

Realize it’s possible, instead of telling yourself why you can’t.
Become aware of your self-talk.
Squash negative thoughts like a bug.
Replace them with positive thoughts.
Love what you have already.
Be grateful for your life, your gifts, and other people.
Every day.
Focus on what you have, not on what you haven’t.
Don’t compare yourself to others.
But be inspired by them.
Accept criticism with grace.
But ignore the naysayers.
See bad things as a blessing in disguise.
See failure as a stepping stone to success.
Surround yourself by those who are positive.
Complain less, smile more.
Imagine that you’re already positive.
Then become that person in your next act.

Distractions

2010-03-14T15:21:00.001-07:00

I haven't been to church in three weeks. Having chronically sick kids this winter, our attendance has been spotty at best. Then, last weekend was girl scout Sunday for Cleo, and she really wanted to attend. It was held at a little country church where she meets each time for scouts.

So today we made sure we got up early enough to make sure we did not oversleep and would NOT miss early service at our church, Daystar Christian Fellowship. We absolutely love it there. The only thing about it I don't like is the fact it is a 30 minute drive for us, give or take. But it is well worth the drive. The worship is wonderful, the music fabulous, the people sweet and non-judgemental. We wear jeans, flip-flops and take our coffee in with us. The kids have their own worship band and now we even have a KidStuf worship service for grownups and kids to worship together in between early and late service. I just love that place.

But back to the topic, DISTRACTION. (did you catch the little joke in that?)

Today's sermon was about living a spirit-filled life and how to do it. And the number one problem that keeps us from doing so is....

You guess it, DISTRACTIONS.

I was shaking my head and "amening" from my seat. If anyone knows about distraction, it's me. I don't know if it is being OCD or not. But distractions really bother me. I'm always trying to clear off my desk, my laundry, my plate, my life of distractions.

Distractions are everywhere. However, they're not new. Christians for years and years have faced distractions. To plow the field or take a nap in the sun is now replaced with to spend time with my kids or get on facebook? Different distractions, same problem.

So what are YOUR distractions? I have so many. I am really, really going to focus on them this week and try eliminating as many distractions that I can that hinder my walk with Christ. Here are but a few:

-Not enough sleep makes me want to sleep in and hit that snooze button, thus making "quiet" time usually gone in the mornings. I love to start each day with prayer and things go more smoothly when I do. But if I'm running late, prayer just doesn't get done. Sad, but true.

-Technology, technology, technology. I don't need to twitter, facebook, blog and iphone as much. I can detach from technology and invest in REAL relationships more and more. I have been working on this, periodically fasting technology all together and I went from 500+ facebook "friends" to just 160 and even that feels like too many right now. Some people use TV as a distraction. I'm not one of those folks but the computer and playing scrabble on the iphone can be one if I let it.

-The age old problem of work at home and home at work. I really need to work on prioritizing my day and when I get HOME in the evenings, I am DONE with my paid-job of teaching. It isn't so much grading papers, but instead worrying about this or that and thinking about the things in my day. My family deserves my attention fully when I am at home.

-Church attendance. It's hard to get up at 7:30 on a Sunday morning to be ready for service at 9:30. But it is so worth it. I do not need to feel like I must be there every single Sunday, but there is no denying that it makes my week so much better and helps me focus on the important things for the week.

So that's it. Just going to focus on distractions this week.

Some great reads

2010-03-11T10:36:00.001-08:00

I want to live a simpler, more authentic life. I strive every day to love God more, love my family more, and simplify the unnecessary things in my life. I really want to work on this area and find that when I do, everything is better. However, I find it difficult at times. And easier at others. Here are some great links that have touched my heart this week specifically in this area:

HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY FOR SIMPLICITY

ONE DAY OF REST

Click. Read. Enjoy.
Be blessed.

A chilly spring break

2010-03-03T15:02:00.000-08:00

Alas, my spring break is gone, and it ain't even Easter yet. These snow days have added up here and there, and today my school system used up the very last one we had banked. The 5 am phone call (!) from our assistant superintendent was a surprise. I didn't realize so much snow fell over night in the southern part of our county. So I rolled over, said a quick prayer, and decided post-haste that I would ENJOY my day at home.

My girls served me breakfast in bed. Chocolate waffle (Eggo, lest you think my child is the next Julia Child) and coffee. And what is most impressive about this is the fact that my oldest daughter taught herself to use the Keurig! And she did it perfectly with nary a mess. So...I know who to get to make my coffee now on mornings when I'm running late!

I decided to laze in bed for awhile. Okay, make that three hours. The kids played games, watched tv, did God-knows-what while I slept until 10 am. Bliss.

I then got everyone dressed and ready and we headed to McDonalds. We picked up lunch for Daddy and headed to his work for a very impromptu lunch meeting in the van. It was nice. I miss those many, many times I did the same thing as a stay-at-home mom. Now, the opportunity to meet him for lunch is really a rare thing.

Ran some errands, picked up my crazy medications at the pharmacy. My "natural" folic acid prescription has gone up to $98 a month. I don't want to go back to big pharma prozac, but I can't pay that kind of money each month for a vitamin. Period. The thoughts of spending that money every month makes me more depressed, so it kind of defeats the point. :)

Hit the video store to get the last disc for The Tudors series I'm finishing. Blockbuster in our town is closing. There will be NO video store anymore. I guess Redbox it is...kind of sad to see Blockbuster go. It was always a very nice stand-by on nights where we wanted a movie and we didn't want to deal with the line at redbox. As I walked out of the door I felt sorry for the older lady that was losing her job in just a few weeks...

Came home and spent the rest of the evening doing absolutely NOTHING. Well, except playing scrabble on my phone, laughing with the kids, entertaining neighbors, and downloading a few things on iTunes (God, that is ADDICTIVE.)

I guess it is time to get some stuff done; but I might just spend the evening here on the couch writing. I enjoy my growing writing business SO MUCH. I wish I could just jump right now and do it full time. I think it would make me very happy. But....you know, bills to be paid and all.

How do you do it all?

2010-02-24T16:08:00.000-08:00

I frequently seem to be hear from friends/family: "Lindsey, I don't know how you get it all done."

I'm letting my secret out of the bag. I don't get it all done. I can keep appearances quite well.

The truth is, I just choose what gets done. I am OCD so I tend to be very clean, neat and organized by sheer nature. That's to my benefit (however you do not really want the side dish of frustration that comes along with it, trust me...there are negatives!). I get a great deal accomplished in any given day because I just can't sit still.

But that's part of my problem. I can't be still. Some times I just need to BE STILL AND BE QUIET AND LISTEN. God has things He wants to tell me, teach me, and show me, but half the time I'm too busy running rough shod through what I think is important to hear or see His plan.

Today I decided to cancel volleyball practice due to the threat of inclement weather. Some people balked at my choice; fine. I do NOT regret it. I came home this evening and sat on the couch and did nothing for approximately thirty minutes. I got a bit antsy, but I thought to myself "damn, this feels kinda good." So I sat there longer. I ate my dinner on the couch. I watched a tv program that I wasn't even interested in. I played a rousing game of Mario Party 8 on the Wii with my son. (He loved it by the way...I'm usually "too busy" to play) He gave me probably 99 kisses and hugs he was so happy.

We ate dinner together, just he and I, right there on the couch. We talked and just enjoyed some time together while Chad was out with the girls.

It was so very nice.

So tonight the laundry didn't get done, the papers didn't get graded, and the house didn't get any cleaner. But I spent T-I-M-E with my son and that's the main thing.

More and more God is pricking my ear about T-I-M-E and I'm learning to listen. Heaven knows if you don't listen, He'll just keep throwing snowballs until you decide it's time to stop and listen!

I have some crucial decisions to make in the next few months about the direction I want to take in my family role as a wife, mom, teacher, etc. Keep praying for me friends!

The ups and downs of life

2010-02-11T17:36:00.000-08:00

You ever heard that saying "oh man, you look like you just lost your best friend." Well, I actually lived it this week. And it sucked so, so bad. I am hurt and wounded, mad, angry, sad, frustrated. Every negative emotion has hit me and I don't know what to do with it except to accept it for what it is and move forward. I just miss my friend very much but what has happened can't ever be fixed this side of heaven, I don't think.

This week has been one of those weeks where I have had ups and downs, highs and lows. I held volleyball tryouts; a first for me as a "coach." Still trying to get used to being called "Coach Cox." That's just weird to me. But the 15 girls & 2 managers I picked for the team are AWESOME in just about every sense of the word. Good students, good role models, good athletes, and so on. I'm very excited about working with them for the next few weeks.

But then, on the other hand I'm exhausted. Leaving the house at 6:45 am and getting home at 6:00 is rough, especially when you are not used to it. My body is tired. My house is messy(ier than usual), my kids miss me. I have been coming home and treasuring my moments with them even more.

I'm trying to minimize distractions in my life right now for so many reasons. I finally have had it with social networking. Why do I need 500 facebook friends, half of which are just acquaintances or people I don't even really know? Or the random dude I went to elementary school with who now lives 1,000 miles away....

So I cut my friend list. I went from 508 friends on Facebook to 164. I pissed some people off and made some enemies. But I decided to keep just close friends, family, and coworkers and a handful of blog friends I've had for years who know me from my Enjoy the Journey days.

I'm simplifying. Sometimes it feels like I should just sell everything and move away to some remote place and become a hermit.

Maybe its because I've lost my best friend. I don't know.

Obedience/Disobedience

2010-02-02T13:04:00.000-08:00

I don't enjoy writing about my children's faults and failures too much; because I love them to pieces and the internet has a life of its own. Something I write today may stick around for quite a long time. So let it be known that when I do write about my children, for better or worse, it is always with the right heart intended. (unless you catch me on a really bad day...we all have those, right?)

Today one of my children decided to take a play sword and swing it around the living room. In the process s/he took out one of my most favorite decorative knick-knack thingys. (yeah, technical writer, I am) I don't buy many decorative items because deep down I think they're just one more thing I have to dust each week. So the few things I do have in my home are either something I really wanted, or something with meaning.

My mom bought me this pretty glass hurricane lantern years ago...because every mom of three little children needs more glass products about the house, right? Regardless, it was special to me and I've had it now for many years. You'd think if it survived toddler hood, it would survive the school-age years. Ahem.

Needless to say, this child-of-mine took it out and we had thousands of tiny glass shards every where. I was upset and angry. My attitude only made my child feel worse about the situation.

What made the whole situation worse was that my child tried to justify what happened. "I didn't hit it, mom. I just pointed at it, and it fell down! It isn't my fault!" The age-old problem of lying to ourselves to avoid getting in more trouble, or so we think.

And now, an hour or two later, God has used this little event to remind me of how many times I have broken His heart. How many times I've wounded His precious treasures. I've smashed them to bits and stood there guilty, holding the sword...all the while lying to myself to justify my acts to myself. Disobedience.

Did God, my heavenly father fuss and yell? No, He rebuked me gently. And gave me another chance. He gave me thousands of "one more chances."

And so, I will do the same. Lesson learned. Too bad it took a broken treasure for God to teach me something today.

God's Voice

2010-01-31T10:06:00.000-08:00

As much as I fantasize about blogging regularly again, it just never happens. I'm too busy with other stuff like my everyday job, being a mom to three super-busy-super-wonderful kids, and that sort of stuff. Not to mention, I have some real paying writing endeavors to actually write for right now... YAY!!!!

I do miss blogging and writing for free. I need just make myself do it more often, don't I?

Which leads me to today's brain dump that we'll call a blog entry. GOD'S VOICE

In my small group we're reading How to Listen to God by Charles Stanley. We've been discussing it chapter by chapter and learning how to listen wisely to those around you and how to discern what is God's voice and what isn't. Even though I've been a Christian for nearly 20 years, I have yet to master knowing God's voice. Which is sad to me---because according to Charles Stanley, the closer we are to God, the easier it will be.

Which makes me feel guilty for not being closer. But then again, I can make myself feel guilty about ANY.THING. ANYTHING.

It does hold some credence though, doesn't it? The closer we are to God, the easier it is to discern what is His will for our lives. When my prayer life sucks, or is just plain convenient for me, I shouldn't expect to hear God shout above the mountaintops for me. I'm not putting in my part of the relationship. It's like any other real-life relationship. It's give and take. Too often we ask God to give-give-give-and-give-some-more while we sit back and mooch all we can and give very little in return. I guess that's our sinful nature at best.

But when my prayer life is active, and not just because I need or want something, I do tend to hear God's voice more often. It is usually in the form of His word. I will be able to understand a Bible passage more clearly when I'm in tune to Him. Things make more sense. I feel less guilt and choose to do the right things.

This is all very elementary and I'm sure we know this stuff. I just needed to sit down and remind myself.

Kick up the prayer life.
Kick up my Bible time.
Be authentic with God; give Him more of me and expect less from him "just because he's God."

God will speak.
I will listen.

Learning to listen

2010-01-19T14:09:00.000-08:00

God works with me in repetition and in themes.

You see, when He really wants to get my attention about something, He just bombards me with it. I hear it, see it, touch it, smell it...basically, it's everywhere I turn. And right now I'm living in one of those spaces of time. I've been quietly hoping something. Wishing something. Sorta-kinda-praying about something. Then the signs started coming. I ran into someone I haven't seen in YEARS and they had a revelation for me. Little "coincidences" started falling into my lap. I wish I could be specific with you, but I do not have the freedom in my spirit to go there---yet.

So, after all the subtle and not-so-subtle hints I've been getting, I decided to really fervently pray. I don't even feel like that is enough. I need to fast. I need to really dive into prayer as hard as I can on this one.

I've been praying lately about some very specific things that I don't want to put out there yet. Why? Because I'm still ruminating on them and I'm not ready to say thus sayeth the Lord yet. I'm trying to discern if it is truly, undoubtedly God's voice. And even though I'm pretty sure it IS God's voice, it makes no sense. None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Zippo.

When God's voice doesn't make sense, or too much sense for that matter, I tend to question myself and wonder if it is REALLY God I am hearing from, or is it Lindsey I'm hearing from?

Sometimes when I have a desire in my heart so big and so painful, I can make myself hear anything I want to hear. I have to be very careful not to make my desires into God's will. Because we all know how that works out. When we force our will as God's will, it gets very messy and chaotic.

This is a BIG one guys and gals. I do not want to mess this one up or mistake God's will for my own.

Please say a prayer for me to discern the absolute will of God for my life and in these decisions I feel led to make.

Thanks :)

New Year List:

2010-01-01T17:38:00.000-08:00

things I'd like to accomplish professionally:
1. Finish the school year without having a nervous breakdown.
2. Motivate my students to care more about the QUALITY of their own work (without me nagging them, just because they WANT to do good work!)
3. Stop letting the little things at work bother me so much.
4. Boost my freelance business a little bit more each week, and take the time to build it slowly but surely.
5. blog more and get my writing website up and going

things I'd like to accomplish around my house:
1. Finish "re-doing" the kitchen; order new overhead light
2. finish my new set of dishes from IKEA
3. Keep things clean/neat/organized in the kids rooms
4. Stay on top of the laundry more consistently

things I'd like to accomplish intellectually:
1. Read more books. I already read a great deal, but you never can read too much!
2. Continue with my master's degree; one class at a time, it eventually will get finished

things I'd like to accomplish in my relationships:
1. Remember that marriage is hard work, but it is worthwhile work. Try to be more aware of my appearance and take better care of myself for Chad.
2. Cultivate the few friendships that are important to me; let the others which take too much work slide.
3. Continue to look at motherhood as a MINISTRY and strive to disciple my children better.
4. A weekend away with Chad. No where in particular, just some alone time with NO kids and NO house pressures.

things I'd like to accomplish as a MOM:
1. Sit down and read one-on-one with the kids more often, especially Reece & Marcy
2. Spend more "girl time" with Cleo as she approaches puberty (yikes)
3. Continue to work on my frustration level and not let the little things get to me.
4. Make everyday "things" special for them; notes in lunchboxes, etc.

things I'd like to accomplish spiritually:
1. Pray more. Some days, praying any at all is a step in the right direction! I'm so bad with my prayer life.
2. Go to church as regularly as possible. While I do not believe that I need to be there every time the doors open, I know it is good for me and my children to go on a regular basis. Occasional "pancake and pajama" Sundays are fine once in awhile.
3. Work on growing in my small group. Trust people more when it comes to religion.
4. Work on discipling my children----watch the music I listen to and the things I say...while still being AUTHENTIC to who I am.

things I'd like to accomplish as a FAMILY:
1. Disney trip! July 2010!
2. Spend more time serving others as a family. We had so much fun shopping for our needy student this year. My kids need more of that in their lives.
3. Eat dinner at the table regularly and turn off the television!
4. Play together more often. Regular family movie nites & board games, etc.

things I'd like to accomplish financially:
1. Continue to pay off debt; snowball my little debts and get rid of them for good!
2. Save $1,000 for nothing in particular except a rainy day
3. Quit spending on stupid things I don't need; evaluate my purchases better
4. Continue finding new ways to be frugal

things I'd like to accomplish for myself:
1. Lose 10-20 lbs. I need to lose more, but even a little bit would be a good start
2. Drink more water, give up soda again.
3. Continue to cut my sugar intake
4. Work on my OCD/Anxiety/Depression issues as naturally as possible
5. Accept myself for who I am and who God made me to be; quit trying to be perfect
6. Dress up/fix hair/makeup a little more often and quit being a slouch as much as I am!

That's enough to get me started. How about you?

It's been a decade

2009-12-31T13:43:00.000-08:00

It dawned on me just a few minutes ago that tonight, as the clock strikes midnight, we're wrapping up not just a year, but an entire DECADE and beginning a new one. Seems like just yesterday we were celebrating the new millennium as newlyweds.

It is amazing to me to stop and think back a decade and ponder all the many changes and things we've seen take place. If you haven't done so, I highly recommend it. Just for a bit.

In the past decade...

-we celebrated over 17 years together, 10 of them married years
-we suffered a miscarriage that proved to us how much we really wanted children
-we gave birth to two daughters and a son who are now 9, 7, and 6
-3 c-sections, and I only had complications from one of them
-we bought not one, but two houses
-we bought a few cars, and now we know we never, ever want to have a car payment again
-we spent FIVE years of the decade with kids in diapers (sometimes all 3!) Amazing!
-we learned we carry a rare form of distal arthrogryposis multiplex congenita, and we've become fierce advocates for our daughter
-we were hurdled into a world of social media, technologies like Wii, laptops, blogging and all sorts of stuff our parents never even thought of
-I won an award from the Los Angeles Times for Top 10 Education blogger
-I homeschooled my daughter for three years.
-I returned to public education...and still remain a homeschool advocate
-we've been to the beach more times than I can probably count....what a blessing!
-I almost became an agnostic but God saved me in just the knick of time
-I learned to garden
-I learned to do old fashioned pursuits like canning and I even made homemade crayons!
-I have read countless books and watched countless movies, most of them decent, if not good.
-I "hit the big time" on a slot machine in Vegas and spent every dime of my winnings. (Okay, just $500 but hey!)

In all, a good decade. I just can't believe the speed at which I am aging and my children are just blossoming before my eyes. I'm ready for the next decade in our lives, come what may. I'll save my predictions for you in another post.

God bless friends!

The 2009 Wrap-Up

2009-12-27T13:56:00.000-08:00

We had a good Christmas. I hesitate to use the word "great" this year because I know deep down in my heart I wasn't as into it this year as I should have been. As a Christian, I guess I put somewhat too much pressure on myself to make Christmas a fully-religious holiday and less of a consumerist/worldly one. That is indeed what it's all about, but it is a noble pursuit these days.

I admit, my kids like stuff, they like Santa, and sometimes we get all into the parades, packages, cookies, and other fun stuff that accompany the Christmas holiday. This year I was not as good about remembering the real reason for the season as in years past. Chalk it up to one of my many parenting faux-pas and I'll do better next year. I'm not letting myself get too worked up about it. Ask my kids why we have Christmas and they'll tell you very quickly that it's Jesus' birthday. My oldest will also tell you that most scholars have determined Jesus' real birth was sometime in the summer, not December 25th, so I'm pretty proud of her Biblical knowledge.

So on to the 2009 wrap-up part of this post:

I don't know about you, but 2009 was not the best year for our family. Seems like I've been saying that same thing for the past two or three years. Must be the economy, right? I am resolved that 2010 WILL BE BETTER in so many ways. Today at church I sat very still and had a private conversation with The Big Man Upstairs and I told Him that I really, really need 2010 to be an upswing year in my life, my work, my marriage, my family, my finances; in pretty much everything possible, please and thankyouverymuch in advance. And after I had that little prayer with Him and myself, I felt instantly at peace. So maybe, just maybe with a good deal of spiritual discipline and God's help, I'll see that prayer come to fruition in each area.

2009 had its great moments, no doubt. We had a fabulous summer together and we continued to get really good news concerning Marcy's long-term health. We were released from neuro plastic surgery for FIVE YEARS and that was a great thing. Reece started kindergarten and all three of my children are thriving at their elementary school. The little two started playing teeball and basketball and I'm now the proud mama on the sidelines cheering on my kids. Cleo had her first piece of art work entered into a real art show, and that was exciting. We found a new church home, which was desperately needed. We reconnected with friends we feared were long-lost. My one and only niece moved back from Canada and I get to see her more often.

But of course, I'd be lying if I didn't admit the bad parts of 2009. Two of my best friends spent a good portion of the year going through a divorce, one a little rocky and the other more amicable. My step-dad travelled for work all year and has had some health problems. Most everyone in my family, both immediate and extended are seeing slumps in income due to the economy. My oldest daughter has had some trouble making friends at school and the preteen hormones have hit pretty hard. I spent 2009 battling my ongoing anxiety and depression. And that has been MAJOR. I'm ready to be happy again.

So here's to 2010, friends. May it be a wonderful, peace-filled year for all of us. May we prosper and be healthy. May we reconnect with one another. May we fix what is broken and repair relationships where we can. May we learn to love deeper.

And to 2009, please don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

Freelance HELP

2009-12-14T17:23:00.000-08:00

A very quick shout-out....

I am really working to beef up my freelance writing jobs. I have a dream to home school again one day, if at all possible, and I need to have a steady income. I make a little (okay, wee-little-teency-tincey) bit with my freelance jobs.

If you hear of anyone, ANYONE needing some writing done please send them my way or let me know about it. My main focus is writing short pieces like articles around 500-1500 words; but I can do all sorts of things from brochures for business to ebooks and even help with college papers and so on.

I just really, really need to explore this option more fully as a viable income for our family.

Thanks!

New things, old things, and the same-old, same-old

2009-12-10T08:26:00.000-08:00

Evidently my OCD is in overdrive. I'm getting boo-koodles of things accomplished and crossing off my to-do list so quickly I really need to write another to-do list so I don't panic when there is nothing left to accomplish.

This is life without meds right now. I can live with being highly productive. Maybe I'll end up blogging more, who knows? (But don't get your hopes up. I like being anonymous and rarely followed now...a far cry from my former blog which had over 1,000 readers a day. I do kinda miss having cyber friends, though)

I really want to write a post in which I discuss how things are going for me spiritually. But I keep putting that off and I know it is for good reason. I might put my foot in my mouth and God keeps telling me to be quiet. So, I will. But let's just say this: every time I really think I've figured God/church/Christianity/mankind/faith out....I get thrown a curve ball that makes me question everything I've ever believed. Isn't God just hysterical like that?????

I decided to write a new things, old things, and same-old, same-old post: Here goes.

NEW THINGS:

Etsy. Wowza. I've heard about etsy for....well, like forever. But being that I'm not crafty, I just didn't care that much about it or check it out too often. Well, I have a student this year with an etsy shop. (yes, a 6th grade artist!). I bought a few Christmas gifts from her and perused etsy at length, and I am hooked. No money to shop on etsy, but boy is it fun to LOOK. I'm making a wish list that would make most frugal zealots cry in pain.

Glee. I was in heaven with last night's fall finale. I literally cried at Mercedes rendition of And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going. That girl can sing. Or as we say in the south, sang. As in: That girl, she can saaaang. I stopped at Walmart this morning at o-dark-thirty to pick up the volume 2 cd and I'm enjoying it as I write. I just love glee. It is one of the last feel-good shows on tv that just make me smile. I like mindless smiling these days!

OLD THINGS:

Advent. I always love celebrating advent with my family. We usually do Sunday advent dinners where we light candles and read the weekly readings together. Well gosh darn, 2 weeks flew by and I didn't get it together. So we're not celebrating advent in this way this year and I am really sad about that. I love, love, love the liturgical season of church life, even if most evangelicals do not even recognize it.

Grandma's tree. I had a teary moment today. I walked into the school office and noticed our little office tree has one of those color wheels. Made me think of my Nanny whose been gone to Jesus longer than I even knew her. She had a silver-retro tree that came with one of those color wheels. I think it was from the 60's or 70's. I loved that tree. I wish I had one just like it. Even though Nanny's been gone for a long time now....I still think of her at the oddest of moments. It's like she just breezes in and reminds me of the darndest things.

SAME-OLD, SAME OLD

Living. Some days it is so hard to break out of the drudgery of waking up, going to work, coming home and doing homework/dinner/baths/bedtime. I feel like 5 days out of 7 my life is on infinitesimal repeat. I kinda would like to be on shuffle mode once in awhile...just to keep things interesting. Weekends are a treasure to me. I can sleep late, or not. I can read books at my leisure. I can cheer for my kids at ballgames and not worry about getting work finished at home. I can cook to my hearts content and take my time cleaning it up.

Some how, some way I've got to learn to have the weekend mentality during the work week. I am so much happier on week days.

Well, work is calling me. That to-do list needs to be rewritten! Have a good day friends. MERRY CHRISTMAS! AND HAPPY CHANUKAH to my Jewish friends (it starts tomorrow right?)

A check-in

2009-11-30T15:40:00.001-08:00

I just finished writing my bi-monthly column for The Voice magazine. Surprisingly I still feel the need to write, so I thought I might come here to my blog and give you an update/brain dump sort of post.

I've recently (like, just today) started The Mood Cure diet. I'm doing my own variation of it. Basically it is an eating plan that helps people like me who are prone to depression/anxiety/general craziness balance and manage our emotions with our diet. Think: lots of protein, NO refined sugars, very little carbs. Lots of veggies and fruits (raw of course) and some meat. No processed foods, no sugars (drat!) and you guessed it, no alcohol. I should cut caffeine too, but I can't give up my morning coffee just yet. I plan to transition to decaf in time, but for now, sugar is the vice I'm trying to give up. Supposedly dumping sugar will make my serotonin soar and I will feel a lot better. And, I should lose 10-20 pounds to boot, so that's a nice side effect that I could certainly use.

I'm trying very hard to keep moving forward now that I am OFF medication. I am happier off my meds. Prozac and ativan made me sleepy, sedated, and I generally felt a dull/numb sort of sadness 24/7. Now that the meds are out of my system, I am laughing again and I find humor again, which is a wonderful thing indeed. I've also felt like I have more energy; another good thing. I've always had really crazy, wild dreams, but prozac made them a great deal worse. The dreams, while fun at times, can be quite intense and I'm happy to report they've subsided as well since going off my meds.

But lest you be fooled, it isn't all sunshine and roses. I have my moments as well. My frustration level is definitely lower---little things are setting me off again and I find myself anxious for no real reason again. It isn't crippling most of the time, but it isn't pleasant either. I'm trying to pray, breathe, and talk myself off the ledge when I have these moments. Journaling, like I'm doing right now really tend to help me as well.

I still feel sad more than I should. For instance, this weekend Chad and I were at Cracker Barrel with the kids, and I just started crying at the table. I had my reasons, but really.....do I need to cry in the middle of Cracker Barrel? It wasn't like someone had died...it was just a general sadness that had been building for a few days, exacerbated by the holiday stress of Thanksgiving, and whamo----I'm crying! Sometimes the tears are so intense that I can't seem to stop the flow of them with just my willpower. That will take some work. I wear my emotions on my sleeve and it is difficult to turn them off when it is an inconvenient time.

I'm also trying very hard to identify the stressors in my life. Right now, my job is very stressful. Anyone who thinks teachers only work til 3:15 and have their summers off need their heads examined. My job is a huge source of stress for me. I enjoy TEACHING. I just don't enjoy all the paperwork, meetings, and other general "BS" that goes with the job. If I could just shut my door and do my thing, my students and I both would be all the better for it. But that isn't public education. There is always some new program or guru that has something they want to ~~teach~~ sell us.

I am streamlining my life and circling the wagons so to speak. If it isn't something that is drastically important to me, my husband, or my kids, it is OUT, OUT, OUT OUT OUT! I don't have time for unnecessary interruptions and stresses in my life. Does this mean I hole up in my house and never go anywhere or do anything? Hell no. I'm as busy as everyone else. Too busy...hence my reason to try and streamline. I am trying to limit our outside activities. The kids don't need added stress and fourteen afterschool activities. My budget can't handle a thousand lessons either. So we let the kids pick one thing at a time. Anything above that has to be pre-approved by the whole family or it has to be something we do together, like church. (which, by the way is a whole 'nother post---my AWESOME church Daystar Christian Fellowship in Greensboro is helping me heal too!)

I've thought about minimalizing other things in my life, including facebook. How many friends do you need anyway? Why keep people on who never comment nor care about my life? I'm decluttering as always at home. I don't need unnecessary clutter around me. It's just more to clean and dust, right? Simplify, simplify, simplify.

Again, I struggle with how much to share about all of this. There are people in my life who are insanely private people and they just don't feel comfortable with my level of sharing. But, it is who I am. I've always been a public kind of person when it comes to stuff like this. I figure, why hide it? Maybe I can help someone else. My only fear is that someone will label me and put me in a box that fits nicely on their shelf somewhere---you know, the "crazy" box.

Gotta go help Cleo write her report on India for school. I'll leave you with this brain dump, until next time.

50 Things that bring me JOY

2009-11-10T18:11:00.000-08:00

In honor of Thanksgiving ahead, many of my fellow writers/bloggers/friends are doing a gratitude journal each day. I don't have time or energy to write daily so I thought I'd condense mine into one post. I also have decided to think about things that make me happy instead of things I am "thankful" for. You know me, always gotta change the game midstream! So, dear reader, I give you....

50 things that bring me joy

1. my husband and children, and 90% of my family :)
2. hot bubble baths, especially with the jets on
3. turkey on Thanksgiving
4. warm soup on a cold night
5. my collection of silver bells that my grandparents have given me; one every Christmas since I was born
6. good books
7. NPR talk radio
8. Mimosas & fresh-made omelets on Sunday morning
9. pajama days
10. Fresh, clean sheets

11. reading friends blogs
12. candles
13. freshly brewed coffee
14. the sound of my children's laughter
15. rainy days spent inside reading and playing games
16. watching my children learn something new
17. putting my toes in the sand at the beach
18. watching the sunset; and the occasional sunrise
19. sleeping in....
20. taking my grandma to Duke ballgames

21. visiting with old friends
22. margaritas with warmed chips & salsa
23. working in my garden
24. watching the birds at my bird feeders, especially the cardinals
25. snow
26. massages & back rubs (especially those given by my wonderful husband)
27. a new pair of jeans that fit just right
28. praise & worship music at church...and I like it LOUD!
29. looking at old photos
30. learning about my ancestors long gone

31. reading my favorite novel over and over again
32. Anne of Green Gables
33. reruns of Little House on the Prairie
34. decorating the house for all the holidays; year round
35. payday
36. having enough money to pay all the bills on payday :)
37. watching my kids play tee-ball
38. watching fireworks
39. swimming
40. a good martini

41. girls night out!
42. a new pair of pajamas
43. helping someone in need
44. new school supplies! Nothing says JOY like expo markers!
45. writing...well, most of the time
46. seeing the light bulb go off in my student's brain when they finally master something new
47. My nativity that came from Israel
48. snuggling on the couch, watching football with Chad
49. my 2-3 close friends who know EVERYTHING about me
50. making lists

I've been thinking...

2009-11-08T17:27:00.000-08:00

I took a mini-vacation, a digital hiatus of sorts for a few days. It was good for my mind and my soul and my marriage. I needed to quiet out the sounds of the world and hone in on the sounds that matter most to me...the sounds of my family and very close friends.

The past few months have been tough on many levels; I have shared often here about my struggles and I'm not about to rehash them again. Let's just say I'm in the moving forward phase of things.

You know that little saying, God grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change....that's sort of what I'm dealing with now, personally.

I have lots of circumstances that I can do absolutely NOTHING about. I have no control in the situations and therefore, all I can do is stand. Stand firm. Stand faithful. Stand waiting and expecting that God can and will do big things.

But in the meantime, standing is difficult.

I will be sharing more about these decisions in the days to come. I plan on writing more here at my blog (some of you are reading this on my facebook through my notes, I have the two interlinked) in the days and weeks to come.

But I did want to quickly post something to let you know why I took a mini-vacation and let you know that I'm back, renewed, and with a sense of purpose and calling for the days ahead. Someone told me recently I have great influence on people (to which I laughed....) and that I should use that influence for good and to point others on the path in the right direction. There's nothing like being told "hey, use those powers of influence for good and not evil!" It will certainly make you think.

Good night sweet friends. I'm off to bed to snuggle up to the man I choose to love deeply and freely. It isn't always easy, but it is always worth the risk and the work.

Compartmentalizing my life

2009-11-02T08:56:00.001-08:00

I'm trying to compartmentalize my life a little bit better. I'm not sure if this is a good strategy or not. My brain is rather fuzzy today, being Monday and all, but here is what I'm thinking in a nutshell:

Work is work, and home is home. And rarely shall the two meet.

I have got to stop worrying about one when I'm at the other. On days like today, when I'm home sick with a UTI I worry about missing work. I worry about the nasty co-worker who thinks I just wanted Monday off. I worry about my students having a sub AGAIN. I worry about how far behind I'm falling with my plans (in actuality, I am ahead of or on par with everyone else on my subject/grade level so I should quit worrying about that). I worry about people thinking I'm taking advantage of my sick days. I worry, worry, worry.

When I drag myself to work sick, I stay there thinking I should be home, taking care of myself. So, in essence, it is a lose-lose situation for me and the battle I rage in my mind. It is never, ever, easy for me in that respect.

So when I say I am learning to compartmentalize I mean this: I am trying to do my work-tasks at school and leave them there. I do not bring home piles of papers to grade regularly. I do when absolutely needed, but most days I try to "clock out" and come home and leave work at work. This isn't always able to happen, being in education. I have to check my email from home each night because undoubtedly there is something I need to address. But beyond that, I try to keep it minimal.

The converse is also true. When at work, I must work. I love to talk and socialize during my planning period but I am trying harder to use my time at school for SCHOOL so that I do not take a ton of work home. This means that my coworkers are probably thinking I'm less social than before. I don't mean to be, and I'm not "mad" at anyone. I'm just trying to do what I can when I can so that I can go home and be mommy to 3 and wife to one. :)

It is a constant effort to try and compartmentalize, but it helps me keep on top of things and feel a little more confident in fulfilling my roles. I've learned quickly I cannot be everything to everybody and there is no sense in trying to do so anymore!

An Update on my Crazy

2009-10-27T13:24:00.001-07:00

It's pouring rain outside and I'm home on the couch, sitting in my pajamas and listening to Enya. That's probably proof enough I've had a sorry kind of day. In fact I did have a bad day, and I feel like throwing myself a pity party. Enya is the way to go when you need really sad, introspective music. If only I had some chocolate on hand...

As it goes, I often write when I am down or depressed. So I cranked up the coffee pot and the keyboard. I figure it is time to fill y'all in on my latest battle with being crazy. About three weeks ago, I stopped taking my meds. Yep, I quit the prozac and lorazepam and decided I needed to feel real feelings again besides just being either numb or quasi-sad all the time. For the most part, it has been successful. I have sought out help while I came off the meds, and I've done well. No shakes, no suicidal thoughts, nothing like that. In fact, I've had more energy, cried less, and felt pretty good. In the last month my stepmom's mother died, my stepdad had a stroke, and all 3 of my kids have had H1N1. If that didn't make me go over the edge without prozac, I figure I'm good to go for life.

But I still have bad days. Like today.

My husband, my mother, my best friend, and 2 of my coworkers were the only ones I told about quitting the meds when I decided to do it. One, I wanted SOMEONE to know just in case I had those side effects they talked about---you know, threatening to throw yourself in front of a bus and all. Two, I wanted their honest opinion on how I was doing. Everyone has been cheer leading me and telling me how great I'm doing and how they notice a positive difference. I've been quite proud.

Until today, when I got my block knocked off at work.

A fellow co-worker who DID NOT know I was off my meds, asked me if I was on or off. I just blankly stared at her, because quite frankly it isn't her business. (by the way, she's not my biggest fan at work anyway) She commenced to give me a 10 minute lecture on how she needed me to be on my meds because when I wasn't I was stressing her out. See, my OCD makes me go into hyper drive. I become very organized and on top of things more than usual. She thinks I'm trying to make her look bad. Quite honestly, she doesn't need help making herself look bad...but that's another story for another day.

She wanted me to react. She wanted me to cry and scream and get angry. I just looked at her and said Thanks for telling me how you feel. I appreciate it. And I walked away. Which just made her all the angrier---she WANTED me to cry and pitch a fit.

Drama. I cannot handle it! With my kids being sick, I feel like I should be home when I'm at work and at work when I am at home. I've admittedly got a great deal on my plate right now and I am stressed out. I have so much on my mind. I really miss my days being a carefree stay at home mom. I want to home educate again very badly...and I am still mourning the loss of that part of my life.

I have a feeling I will be mourning for a long time. I am at least at a point where I can admit that I am grieving the loss of my former life. I have flirted with idea of quitting my job and doing something else to make homeschool work again, but honestly I cannot right now. I need the stability of my job/income and as much as I want to go back, it is a want and not a "need."

I guess I'm going to hole up in my room at school and tune everyone out. I am very outgoing but when the rubber hits the road, I am actually pretty introverted. I especially hate knowing other people are talking about me around the lunch table. Oh well...was I so dumb to think everyone liked me?

So that's how things are looking on this side of crazy. Off meds and doing well every where but at work. Sigh. Life really is a journey. Some days the road feels longer than on other days.

So, when does the merry-go-round come to a stop?

2009-10-03T18:24:00.000-07:00

It's been about 14 months since I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, OCD, and mild depression. I know I talk about this alot, and it makes some of you uncomfortable. I apologize in advance, honest to God I do. I just need to talk about this for some reason. A few people have privately contacted me and thanked me for being honest. Mental illness is quite taboo, even still in today's accept-me-as-I-am culture. It becomes even more taboo when you're a mom and a teacher and those sorts of things...people just don't expect you to be depressed or anxious when you're supposed to have it all together.

Let's talk about the last month. At the beginning of September I was scared to death I was headed for a major crash. I really had a difficult time getting back into the routines of work and school after having the summer off (yeah, I hear some of you making fun of me here since you work year round). I had some other personal stuff happen at the same time and I was crashing big time. In fact, I was worried I would end up in a mental ward or something; I had never felt that out of control.

And then things slowly got better. Uptick. Swing. Feeling better.

And today I was driving down the road and for no reason at all, I began to cry. I was crying because I was sad, and I am tired of being sad. I am tired of worrying. I am tired of anxiety. I am tired of depression. I am tired of wondering when this will be over and I will be the "old Lindsey" again. I'm tired of people I love asking me when the "old Lindsey" is coming back because I feel guilty I can't channel her for myself and them too. I am tired of being tired.

A coworker this week pulled me aside and asked, Are you okay? I explained I was fine. She said she read my facebook and she thought maybe I was just putting on a brave face at work. And instead of lying I told her that yes, I was putting on a brave face and it was taking tremendous effort on my part everyday to do so. She was so kind and sincere and I appreciated it so much. I wish more people would be this way.

So back to my in-car crying spell today. I don't know what triggered it. I was thinking of my Dad and how he and my stepmom are really having a difficult time right now. They are taking care of my stepmom's mother in her final days and it is exhausting on many levels. I started thinking about how fleeting life really is, and that in the end, we die.

I am a Christian, and I know heaven awaits me. However, I'm not really wanting to go there anytime soon. But I am also not wanting to live sad and depressed.

I just want someone to tell me when the merry-go-round of feelings stops and I can get off and get back to living my life.

2009-09-15T19:05:00.000-07:00

Been a month since I wrote a post. Sigh.

This morning I was getting ready for work and while watching the morning news I saw a commercial for Cymbalta, a depression medication. The sad, sad music is playing in the background and the voice-over goes a little like this: Do you feel sad? Do you cry? Feel like you can't get enough sleep? Do you avoid going places? Do you avoid doing anything? Do you avoid everyone around you?

My mind tunes in. Yes.
Yes, voice-over, yes....yes, I do.

I don't take Cymbalta. I take Prozac. For anxiety, OCD, and what now seems mild depression. In case you haven't noticed, I talk about my struggles openly, which makes some people happy to see my "courage" and other people it just plain scares them that I admit to my craziness. I figure, why lie about it? Might as well try to help someone out there. Or, at least be real and honest and forget being fake. It takes too much energy to be fake.

Anyhow, back to what this has to do with the stupid commercial at 5:30 am. First of all, anyone who has to get up and get ready for work that early in the morning has GOOD REASON to be depressed. Enough said.

Second, I need to talk about this stuff going on in my brain. I need to get it out there, to see it, to read it, to process it. I am not happy. I have good days and bad days. Unfortunately the bad days outnumber the good about 3 to 1 right now. Used to be the other way around; something has flipped it, and I'm not sure what that something is called. I think about it all the time and I cannot put a distinct label on it yet.

I'm happy at home with the kids. My family makes me deliriously happy 99% of the time. And I am happy on weekends. Hell, I feel like I am LIVING for the weekends and payday and little else. Does that mean I don't like my job? No. I actually do most days. I just miss my kids an awful lot. I miss my years of homeschooling and being involved. I feel so far removed from the most of the day. I know they are in very good, wonderful hands at their school. But being apart 8 hours a day is so tough on my soul. I guess had I never homeschooled I wouldn't realize this? I don't know. I miss the control I used to have over house, home, kids, and so on. One of my coworkers tells me I'm a control freak and I need to get over it. I've tried---can't do it. So I keep controlling what I can and freaking out about what I can't. :)

I wish I loved my job and thought it was the calling God gave me. I don't. Right now it is a paycheck that I enjoy most days. I really love the kids I teach. They are awesome. I really love my coworkers for the most part; they are supportive and good folks to be with. I just don't know if I am cut out to stay in education forever. I would really like to be able to go back to my days at home and freelance again. It just doesn't pay the bills. We need steady income now. Teaching is something I am good at and it is steady---for now.

Maybe I'm getting older and more cynical but I seem to be learning that most people really don't care about you. Most folks care about themselves and what rocks their little boat in the ocean. If you don't make a ripple on their radar, you're not worth their time. I'm including myself here...I used to have alot of faith in people. I don't anymore.

I have finally gotten to a point where I am okay with God/Jesus/Organized Religion/Worship again. I went through a long, difficult period where I started feeling like maybe I had it all wrong and I could just become a happy agnostic and let my religion go. But the guilt I felt over those feelings told me it wasn't really how I felt. We've recently begun attending a new-to-us church and we love it. It is a non-judgemental atmosphere where I feel like I can be me. I don't have to put on airs and fake happiness. I can be mentally broken Lindsey, and God still loves me. I don't have to dress up and compete with others at church. I can just be. Isn't that what God intended anyway?

So I am healing in some ways, but not in others. I am scared to death that this is going to be a life-long struggle I am never going to get over. I feel so broken most days. Everyone tells me to give my broken pieces to Jesus, and while that sounds so easy and lovely, it is very hard to do practically. I pray. I weep. I cry out. I find answers, but they come in snippets and they don't come as often as I'd like.

I just wish I could fix my mind and be the old Lindsey again. Someone please find her and send her back to me.

The No Spending Challenge

2009-08-16T09:51:00.000-07:00

Okay, folks, it is time for the self-deprivation to begin. (only half kidding)

I waited a few weeks to begin the no spending challenge because I knew we were going to have back-to-school expenses like new lunchboxes and school supplies for all three kids. I also truly needed a few more pairs of pants to wear to my job...the 2 pair of khakis I wore last year over and over ad nauseum got a little wear and tear. Friday night I went to the buy-one-get-one sale at New York & Co and bought me 2 pairs of pants for the big sticker tag price of $24! I realize I could have probably gotten 2 pairs cheaper at Goodwill or Walmart, but these are NICE pairs of pants that I will get a full school year's mileage out of, Lord willing I don't bombard them with a grease stain, or anything like that.

So, today we, the Cox family, begin our version of no spending challenge. It is mainly just spending what we have to on our basic bills and living necessities. We will go for a month. Might last longer, might not. Hopefully we can make it last a few months and have the car paid off EARLY!

Here are the rules that I, Lindsey Cox, wrote for myself:

-YES, we will pay our bills. (duh!)

-YES, we will buy groceries but...we will try to be better here and not go overboard and buy tons of convenience foods; make as much from scratch, pack the kids lunches, and cook at home, etc. I would like to keep our grocery budget between $100-125 each week but $150 is more realistic. We will continue to eat well, because I refuse to eat pancakes every night in the name of frugality. But, on the other hand, we do not have to have steak every night either. We will try and have a few vegetarian meals each week and utilize leftovers, etc.

-YES, we will buy gas but I will be more mindful of how much I run around unnecessarily and waste gas money.

-YES, we will continue to give to church.

*************************************************************************************

-NO eating out. Even when we're both tired from working all day and the kids are whiny. We'll eat a pb&j instead of going out to eat.

-NO itunes. (this is gonna hurt!)

-NO netflix. Watch movies on tv, since it is already "paid for."

-NO buying books; must use the library and finish reading what I have on hand. Or, of course I can borrow/swap books (double ouch!)

-NO stopping for morning breakfast or coffee. I will fix my own coffee at home and feed the kids at home.

-NO shopping for anything unless it is truly NEEDED (such as the last pair of underwear we own gets a hole in it and, you get the picture...)

I have a few pre-approved expenses that Chad and I have discussed beforehand:
1. Kids school fees will have to be paid this week and that includes the tee-shirt, pta membership, etc. It's already figured into the budget.

2. Cleo's birthday is in a month and in lieu of a party, she has asked me to take her to build a bear. I figure I'm getting out cheaper here anyway, so we will do this as a mommy-daughter outing sometime soon. (and I hear she's getting a g.c. from someone so she'll be really happy about that!)

3. Reece needs a lightweight jacket for school. I hope to find a reasonable one, borrow, swap, trade, etc. He and the girls already have all their winter clothes and heavy coats, etc.

4. The kids will need shoes here and there as sometimes one of them will grow three sizes overnight! I am not a big spender on shoes. We usually have one good pair of tennis shoes for school, one good pair of play shoes, and then a pair of dress shoes. My girls live in flip flops even when it is 30 degrees outside.

5. Late September we have a family reunion to attend in Myrtle Beach. My in laws have already paid for the hotel rooms (it was the way to force us into going, guilt so to speak) and we will need gas expenses and some for food. I will try and budget accordingly with this particular week's grocery budget. Let's hope I can work miracles. Myrtle Beach is never friendly to a budget.

What will we do with the extra money saved?
The plan is to:
1. pay off the car a few months early (we owe right under $4K on my van)
2. put our deposit down on Disney trip June 2010
3. save the rest

Some people do the no spending challenge and give all the extra to charity. While I think that is great, we are being a little more selfish with ours, I will admit. However I think paying off debt so I can be more charitable in day-to-day life is a good thing.

WILL YOU CHEAT????
This is always asked, and I always say yes. Of course we will. I'm slack, human, and sinful afterall. I will most likely scoot thru a drive-thru somewhere and have a coffee or something and not tell Chad. He'll probably eat out with the boys at work one day and not tell me. And we'll feel guilty about it. It's gonna happen.

The no spending challenge isn't about martyring yourself---it is about saving money and seeing where you can financially tighten your belt. You will be amazed at how much money you spend on coffee, gum, nonessential items, etc. I like doing this once in awhile to get myself on track.

Fat Girl On a Mission

2009-08-13T17:53:00.000-07:00

I wrote this a little over a week ago; just neglected publishing it. :)

8/4/09

I’m a fat girl on a mission. My husband has lost nearly thirty pounds and if you knew me at all, you’d know that I need lose weight too. I know it, my family knows it, and everyone around me knows it. They’re mainly too kind to tell me to my face.

All the diet books, experts, and trainers are famous for saying that you will not succeed in weight loss unless you “do it for yourself.” Let’s be real: I need to lose weight for many reasons, the least of which is for myself. I need to lose weight so I don’t feel like my husband is married to Barbie’s fat friend Lindsey. I need to lose weight so my well read eight-year old doesn’t ask me if I am obese or simply overweight. I need to lose weight so I can face myself in the mirror. I need to lose weight because I can’t keep using the excuse that I’m carrying around baby weight when my baby is now nearly six years old.

So, tonight after a weary day as a mom to three kids, I swapped off the children with my hubby, (who was looking quite sweaty, sexy, and edible) as he finished up his workout. I headed to the gym in search of that fitness high everyone tells me about. I haven’t found it yet. You’ll learn to love it! they tell me. It’s a natural high. You feel great when you are finished! It feels so good before long you’ll be addicted!

Yeah, right.

Before I go much farther, let me tell you a little bit about the place I will not-so-affectionately call “the gym.” I live in a small town here in North Carolina and the gym is a nicer, cleaner, hole-in-the-wall kind of place. If the gym was a restaurant, it would be the greasy-spoon diner on the quiet side of town. Don’t think New York City Club or Bally’s or anything like that. It’s a redneck kind of place full filled with skinny folks and fat folks and people in between. The walls have semi-professional painted murals of the various ACC teams (yes, I live in basketball country) and on the bulletin board by the water fountain are fliers for yard mowing, hair cutting, and concealed weapons classes.

In a word, this gym is anything but classy.

I drag myself there kicking and screaming, fearful that I am going to have a heart attack right there in the middle of it all. I worry that I am going to die a fat, flabby, ugly death and all of my town will be there to witness it. Bless her heart, they’ll say. She gained so much weight since high school. Have you seen her husband? He looks so good! May I rest in peace.

So tonight, when I arrive at the gym, I halfway consider joining an overcrowded room of women for a fitness class they call Turbo Kick. I take three looks around the room and that’s enough for me to decide: this fat girl is heading to the treadmill. The turbo kick itself looks really complicated, not to mention the fact that most of the women in the room are skinny and they’re sporting outfits that match their workout shoes. I am mismatched in a shirt that has a permanent grease stain from eating greasy pasta. Ahem.

As I hit the line of treadmills, I realize there is only one treadmill open. It just happens to be the run down, ancient one smack-dab in the middle of everything. I reluctantly head over to it, knowing all eyes are on me. I mount the treadmill, find a place for my keys, cell phone, towel and eco-friendly water bottle. Check. All systems are go. And then it seriously takes me five more minutes to figure out that the treadmill has some stupid magnet system that locks it out into “safe” mode. Nothing is safe with me in the gym, apparently. I am not a stupid girl when it comes to technology; I blog, facebook, and twitter, so surely I can get a treadmill from the 1980’s to work, right? Not so fast.

Finally the older (yet skinnier) guy beside me takes pity on my poor soul and shows me the magnet trick. Great. Score another one for the fat girl. I manage to start up the beast, and then realize I haven’t got my iPod going. I can’t walk without my iPod, I tell myself, so I begin to try and walk and mess with the earphones. Not a good idea. I halfway fall down as I do this, and even the lady working out in her blue jeans stops to smile at me. A guy I know from school is nearby and he snickers at me. I can read his mind too: Wow, she’s really gone downhill these past fifteen years.

Once I get the iPod grooving and on the right playlist, I manage to crank up the treadmill to a pace that is slightly embarrassing…it’s too damn slow for a woman of only thirty-one. I should be in peak shape. I should be running like the sixty-five year old beside me.

I walk for twenty minutes. As I’m walking I’m thinking about lots of random things, but I mainly wonder to myself if I’ve burned enough calories to have a vodka and orange juice when I get back home. When it is all said and done, I walk nearly one point five miles, burn 125 calories (that’s all? You gotta be kidding me?) and I am absolutely exhausted and covered in stinky sweat. I can tell you this much; if I am going to be a treadmill regular, I must have good music to listen to. The weather channel on the tv in front of me just doesn’t cut it for motivation.

When reality smacks you in the face...smack it back.

2009-08-10T12:57:00.000-07:00

For those of you who either don't know me personally or don't remember the back story here's a quick, little recap: I was a stay-at-home-mom for almost seven years. Three of those years were spent homeschooling my oldest daughter. I was (and still am) a staunch homeschool advocate. Life got rough, finances even rougher, and I quit staying home to return to work full time as a teacher. I taught last year and did pretty well with it. I did have a difficult time returning to work, but eventually got used to the new status-quo of my life.

Now, here we are, August 2009. I'm feeling antsy again. I'm really dreading returning to work. It isn't because I don't like my job. I do. I teach at a good school and work with good people and teach good kids. On a scale of one to ten I've got things really good as far as my job placement goes. And the paycheck is great. And, we need it. In fact, I couldn't quit if I wanted to quit. I need to work and help out with our family finances. Part of me is spoiled-brat and just doesn't want to work, I won't deny that. But in the face of so many job losses recently, I am THANKFUL I have a job, and I do mean that.

But 90% of me is just plain sad about leaving my kids every single day. I actually ENJOYED homeschooling them. I enjoyed having them home all day, every day. I enjoyed being the mom and the teacher.

This summer has been wonderful for the five of us. We've spent lots of time outdoors, vacationed, beached-it, played, swam, relaxed, slept late, and did about everything you could imagine that is wonderful and good.

And it's almost over. All but the shoutin' as they say.

I know my kids will be fine. In fact, if you polled them right now they would tell you how much they love school. And they go to a good school. And their teachers are awesome. And I trust their teachers implicitly. I am just going to really miss them.

I think this is all smacking me in the face, all over again. I refuse to let it get me down. When I get like this I know what I have to do: I have to smack it back. I have to stay organized, keep things simple, and spend as much QUALITY time with my kids as possible. I have to treasure the moments I do have, and not let myself regret or feel guilty about what I don't have. And, if you're my real-life friend, you will know to be a little extra-gentle with me right now. I can use all the hugs and prayer I can get. Thanks.

Revisiting the No Spending Challenge

2009-07-27T12:46:00.000-07:00

A few years ago on my former blog, I wrote about our family's choice to take the month of September and October and try the No Spending Challenge. In a nutshell, it was taking a short period of time to really look at where our household income is shed and identify where any "extra" money goes. During this challenge, we chose not to spend money on things we didn't need. REALLY NEED. (note to self: there is a difference between need and want!). We paid our bills, bought food for the month, and beyond that---nada. We made mistakes, cheated, and slipped. It happens. But overall, it was a magnificent experience.

More than anything, it really opened my eyes to the countless times I am lazy and pull through a drive-in to pacify the hungry kids. How about the hundreds of dollars a year I probably spend on books and coffee? Convenience foods at the grocery store? iTunes, anyone?

I've decided to revisit the no spending challenge. I am not going to commit to a certain time period, not yet. I know in the forefront of my mind I have some school supplies to purchase for the kids and for my classroom, as well as one last beach trip this week. Reece is having surgery and we're looking at a hospital stay. But after all of that, when school commences and we're back in our regular routines, I plan to re-enact the challenge for awhile to spotlight a few goals we have in our family:

1. I want to see where our money is going, and where I can do better. I'm not going to lie to you, Sheetz coffee every morning is oh-so-wonderful, but honestly I can brew my own at home and save a dime and be a little more green too. I want to target these wasteful areas.

2. Disney trip June 2010!!! ('nuff said!)

3. Getting our car paid off by the end of 2009; and getting Chad something new(er) to drive since his car is about to die completely. We follow the Dave Ramsey plan on cars, so we have to actually SAVE money to buy a newer used car outright. No financing. Period.

I will go ahead and tell you, dear reader, that I will make mistakes. I will at any given point, absolutely crumble and buy a book or a latte or new socks or something. I will cave to the whines of my three persistent children. And you can tsk! tsk! me when I do. That is exactly why I am doing this. To learn the difference between need versus want, to be greener in my lifestyle, to waste less money, and to learn more about myself.

I'm not trying to be a martyr. Personally, I don't do sacrifice and pain very well. I indulge my flesh more than I'd like to admit. Don't worry, my kids will not go to school with shoes filled with holes and ratty clothes. We will make sure our needs are met. It might just be getting something needed as a hand-me-down instead of brand new. Or Goodwill instead of Abercrombie. You get the picture. We're LEARNING as we go.

Here are a few target areas I know upfront that I must define for MYSELF:

1. Books from the library only. Accruing late fees is an expense and will not be tolerated! Must be recorded in the "unnecessary money spent" category.

2. NO iTunes. This will be excruciatingly hard. There is no way to justify this one.

3. Brown bag my lunch during this period...which means, don't be lazy and prep the night before or get up early and get it done. Kids too. I am not sure what we'll do about packing/school lunches but I am sure they will still want to buy on pizza day, and honestly school lunch is almost cheaper than packing lunches for 3 kids.

4. Home cooked meals. Even when I am dead-on-my-feet-tired I am going to have to cook supper. No last minute trips to Cracker Barrel because Mama's too tired and Daddy isn't in the mood to fight her on it. We may allow ourselves a modest Sunday lunch/dinner because we are now attending church over in Greensboro and it just makes Sundays nicer and easier to go out for lunch. This is a negotiable item. If we go for it, we will have to make a swap somewhere else (aka less "fun" snacks at the grocery store)

I'm sure there are more points to this challenge I need to address, and I will in future writings. Maybe you think I'm crazy. Maybe you think it's cool. I think we all need to address our needs and wants and see how we can better serve God with the money He's blessed us with.

Simple Summer Daybook

2009-07-22T12:51:00.000-07:00

OUTSIDE MY WINDOW: Garden is winding down in some areas, ready to burst in others. Wildflower garden & day lilies are still blooming. Herbs look bad (too hot, not enough water when I was @ the beach). Squash is disappointing. Taters are great. Tomatoes are just getting ready to peak.

I AM THINKING: that summer moves too quickly; in less than a month I will be back at work teaching. Where oh where does time go? Mama was right when she said it gets faster the older you get.

WHAT I'M LEARNING: To be more patient, to try not to be so frustrated with things I can't control, and to lean on God again.

I AM THANKFUL FOR: Kids who behave 90% of the time, a husband who loves me, fresh lemons, and good friends I plan on visiting with this week.

I AM WEARING: black athletic shorts and a Uwharrie tee. I never dress up, especially NOT in the easy going summer days @ home!!! What else?

I AM READING: not sure on this one. I just finished the whole Twilight series in less than 2 weeks. I am on a let-down. I'm depressed there are no more Twilight books. I have Hissy Fit and Firefly Lane here from the library. But I don't feel like reading them. I want Edward.

FROM THE KITCHEN: fresh lemonade, chicken burgers and lots of tomatoes/squashy/garden stuff to be fixing

I AM HOPING: that Chad's work continues like it is right now and that we keep moving forward paying off debt

I NEED: NOTHING. Really. I can't think of a thing. Lots of wants, but really no needs. I do need to get things in order for grad school come August. But I am not wanting to fool with it right now.

I AM CREATING: nothing. Not creative. Okay, maybe I can get away with saying I'm creating a home out of a house...that's a daily chore that will take my lifetime.

I AM HEARING: Twilight movie soundtrack (it is actually quite good!)

AROUND THE HOUSE: kids are running and playing and getting all excited about VBS tonight @ a friend's church; Chad is trimming his hair?

ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS: photos of my family lying around the house to remind me of memories and days gone by....

A FEW PLANS FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK: Reece sees the ENT about tonsils tomorrow; finishing VBS for the kids; invited to a pool party Friday night; church @ Daystar on Sunday (I'm really liking that church...it is almost SCARY that I want to go to church again)

Working on hitting the PAUSE button---life in fast forward

2009-07-16T11:34:00.000-07:00

I am one of those people who always seems to be living life five minutes, five days, five months from now. I call it living life in fast-forward. Perhaps it comes from being OCD. I plan my life out in front of me. I always have. When I was 16, I had a four-year plan. (Not many sixteen year olds have a four-year plan, by the way.)

Now that I'm thirty-something, I kinda would like to stop being so intentional about the future. I'd like to press the pause button on this fast-forward kind of life that I seem to be living too much. Sure, we need to have life insurance and have a legal will in place, guardians, and those sorts of things done for the future, no doubt. I'm not saying I wish I could be careless with the future.

I just wish I'd quit worrying about it all the time.

It can be simple things such as:

What's for dinner tonight?
Did I get that bill put in the mail?
Are my library books due this Friday or next Monday?
Did I remember to call so-and-so for a playdate?

Or, it can be quite a bit more serious and worrisome:

Do I (still) have a job?
Does my husband (still) have a job?
Will we have enough money for Christmas for the kids?
What if Marcy needs another surgery?
What if the dog needs to be put to sleep...how will the kids deal with it?
What if Cleo can't make straight A's next year since she'll be getting real grades?
What if my kids hate me for going back to work?
What if my husband wants a woman who didn't gain 50 lbs in the last 10 years of marriage?
How on earth will we afford cars X 3?
Insurance X 5?
College for 3 kids?
Do we even still have any money left in our 401(k)?

And on, and on, and on it goes. I wish I wasn't like this. Sure, being so hyper-focused helps me get 99 billion things done each day. People frequently compliment me on how efficient I am. I often hear the "how do you get it all done!" comment from others. I usually smile and say thanks but deep down I'm thinking to myself, "They have no clue how frustrating it is to be like this!"

And so, the point of me writing this blog entry is to tell myself through my own self-imposed writers therapy that I need to SLOW DOWN and be more intentional with my life. Quit worrying about those things. I am only promised here and now. Tomorrow may never arrive, so why worry myself sick about it and the thousand tomorrows after it?

I want to learn to quit being so ahead of myself and slow down in the present. My former blog was named Enjoy the Journey and that was my life theme song. It still is. I know enough about myself to know that I must force myself to enjoy the journey. Remember: in the end, the journey is the destination.

Quick Post

2009-07-05T17:59:00.000-07:00

What a wonderful, yet busy holiday weekend. I absolutely love July 4th. It is one of my favorite holidays. Okay, who am I kidding, I love ALL holidays. Seriously. I mean, who doesn't love a reason to eat great food, do special stuff, and celebrate?

I love most everything about Independence Day. I love riding around small-town USA where I live, seeing almost everyone flying their flags. I love going to the pool and watching my kids delight in the biggest splash contest. I love their anticipation of the coin toss and all the fun games of the day. I love going home to take a sun-drunk nap before heading out to fireworks and ice cream. And most of all, I love living in a country that is FREE. I am free to worship (or not). I am free to be a woman, to speak my mind, to be educated, and to vote, among many other rights. It is good to be part of a flawed, yet wonderful country. I wonder why but by the Grace of God was I born here and not somewhere else like North Korea or Iran. Why, indeed, am I so blessed?

So on to other things. We are leaving for the beach in the morning. I am hoping to stay 2 weeks. I originally planned on being gone for the whole month of July, but a few minor appointments and things have come up that really need my attention. We are going to have to have Reece's tonsils/adenoids out before school goes back and I need to take him to the children's hospital for his appointment to get the ball rolling. But I won't complain about 2 weeks at the beach...

Went to church for the THIRD week in a row! Can't believe it. I am loving this new church so much. I am not making any judgements or commitments. We will continue visiting for a good while before we decide ANYTHING about ANYTHING. Some days I still feel like a happy agnostic. (sorry if that is brutally honest, but it is what it is) But I am feeling more and more lately that I am coming out of darkness and back into the Light. What I love about this new church is that it is SO LAID back and welcoming. I do not feel judged at all. Right now I am just blending in with the wallpaper so to speak, and that is just fine by me. I might find my stride again one day. Until then, I am content to worship and soak it in...plus, I don't think they let unconvinced happy agnostics serve. I can use that as a playing card if need be. (kidding, sort of).

Breaking out from the seriousness of life

2009-07-02T11:18:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when you are down in the dumps like I've felt the past few days, you just have to choose to breakout, bust through, do whatever it takes to make things feel a little lighter. Today I rounded up the kids in the car and we went to Sonic for milkshakes for lunch.

Milkshakes with cookies, m&m's and such. Not exactly the healthiest of lunches, but it was a relatively cheap, fun way to breakout of my doldrums.

I even let the kids eat in the car. Radical, I am.

In all seriousness, it really bothers me when life feels heavy, weighted-down, serious, and overwhelming. I am normally a pretty peppy girl, and so when I get in one of these moods it really gets me down. Sometimes a good nap helps, sometimes it doesn't. My husband jokes that *other* things help too, and well, sometimes it does and other times it doesn't. I guess these types of moods are an unpredictable part of life.

I'm just trying REALLY hard to push through and come out peppy on the other side.

Getting Rid of THE JUNK In My Life....

2009-07-01T09:59:00.000-07:00

Sometimes all a writer can do is to let their words pour forth from the pit of their soul (or stomach, whichever the case may be). So that is what I am doing today. I'm airing my dirty laundry and letting it all hang out, or any other such sayings you want to call it.

For the past two days I have been in an ultra-crabby mood. Mad at the world and not sure why. Angry, frustrated, irritated, and upset. I have wondered what on earth could cause it.

I'm pretty sure I'm NOT depressed over Michael Jackson's death, I know that much. I have a sneaky suspicion it is the lack of routine. I have become so accustomed to our school/work/school/work routine five-days-a-week that now I'm not sure what to do since we're on summer break. The first week we were at the beach, so that felt like vacation. Now that we are home for a few days, we've all been out of sorts. My children crave routine too, and they've been fussy and whiny and that has NOT helped my mood at all, I can promise you that.

I'm also in the midst of a budget crunch. While summer is fun, it can be *too* fun and I'm not working for 2 months. So some days when I hear the whine of "Can we go to McDonalds, Emerald Pointe, the Zoo, Carowinds too?" I just cannot take it. This year, our summer is a whole lot of playing outside, going to the pool (paid for long ago with tax money), and eating peanut butter sandwiches. We're eating the icee pops instead of premium ice cream. What a crime, you know? We're trying to have fun, creatively.

We've also gotten rid of cable/satellite for the summer. And I think my kids had withdrawals for a few days and hence the bad moods. Shows how much "just a little bit of Disney channel" can do to them. I will say that getting rid of cable has been pretty good in a lot of ways---they ARE playing outside more, reading more, and generally not inside as much. But they miss Disney Channel. It comes back when Mommy gets paid again. Until then, it is a bill we can cut.

And we've been dealing with some insurance issues. Always fun.

Add to this the fact that I am trying to simplify my life. I just generally do not have time and energy to invest into people who do not care to have a relationship with me or my family. It is too much work to have a one-sided relationship. I've been trying to clear my home of physical clutter and my mind of mental/spiritual clutter.

I just need to get rid of the junk, and focus on what is important in life. You don't get a do-over.

Living with myself

2009-06-28T18:52:00.000-07:00

So I promised more frequent blogging this summer. Here goes a shot:

Let's talk about living with myself these days. You may not think about living with YOURSELF, but I do quite often. I am my best advocate and my worst critic on any given day. I am not sure if that is normal or not, but I am assuming it is rather normal for most of us. I can be my own best friend and my own mortal enemy, all at the same time.

I'm slowly learning how to deal with this obsessive-compulsive-disorder/generalized anxiety disorder. OCD/GAD. I've been this way my whole life, but I've never really been dealing with it. I just always thought I was a highly anxious, busy, perfectionist type of person. If you know me, you know that I am very good at getting things done, highly motivated, and on the ball. Sounds like a compliment, right? Yes, and no. Yes, because having this type of personality does lead to getting much accomplished. No, because it frustrates the hell out of you much of the time.

Since seeing the psychiatrist and therapist and getting on meds I have thought a great deal about my OCD/GAD. Some people I am around are uncomfortable about me even admitting I have these "disorders." I know mental illness is never easy to deal with. I'm okay with it, I think. Most days I am, anyway. Other days I feel like a crazy fish in a very small fishbowl with lots of observers watching me "swim" and seeing what I do and don't do.

So let me tell you a little bit about living with Lindsey and how all of this is related to my OCD/GAD. Maybe this will answer some questions you have about me. Maybe this will be therapeutic for me to write?

1. I worry alot. Alot. Alot-alot. I worry about money, the kids, Marcy's health, my job, my family, etc. Most of my worries are rational and are not crazy things (the world is coming to an end! I am going to die in a car crash! there are deadly germs in my food!) My worries are usually centered around very normal, everyday things. I just worry them to death. Some people who know me (like Chad, my husband) say I worry the sun up every morning and down again at night. My therapist has told me that worrying like this is a compulsion of my OCD. People tend to think of OCD compulsions as people washing hands religiously and checking to see if the stove has been turned off 100 times a day. Yes, that CAN be OCD but it can also be many other things. Anyhow, I worry to have something to-do, and over the course of my life it has become a compulsion I can't seem to turn off and on.

2. I count things. I remember being a kid and looking at a digital clock and adding up the numbers. For instance, 1:35 added up, taking the sum of the digits is 9. I did this ALL the time. I don't think I ever told anyone because I knew this was not right, it was stupid, and I was afraid someone would lock me up. I couldn't glance at a clock without adding the digits up. Sometimes I would even take it a step further and see if the "answer" was a multiple of three or not. I am pretty sure I've never told this to anyone except my husband and therapist (until now). When I would realize how irrational this counting was, I'd force myself to stop, which would put the worrying into overdrive. It's a cycle. The upside to this constant counting is that I'm very, very good at math :) and hey, I'm a math teacher so it helped me out in life, I guess. To this day, I count semi-religiously, but it is much better than when I was a kid. I very rarely count the digits on a clock anymore, in case you care. Once in awhile I catch myself doing it, but most of the time I don't. Instead, now I count my kids. I make sure all 3 of them are with me in the car, in the house, etc. When one of them is outside playing and 2 are in the house I sometimes freak out in my mind because I forget one of them is not in the house (does that make sense?) As a teacher, I mentally count my students over and over and over again in my head while they are working. This is something I just *do* without even thinking about. When I do think about it, I try to stop, but there again, the cycle lies within. I feel dumb and stupid for even doing it. Right now I feel ridiculous for even posting this, but I want people to know what I am dealing with.

3. "That feeling that something is wrong." I get this alot. I get a feeling in my stomach that I am forgetting to do something, or forgetting about something, or forgetting to make a phone call, pay a bill etc. This is similar to worrying, but it is an un-named worry, I guess. I just know something is undone and I need to figure out WHAT it is and then tackle it. Sometimes I will snuggle up to Chad (god bless this man!) and say "honey, I'm worrying about something and I don't even know what it is!!!" He always comforts me and usually it goes away or I figure it out.

****************************************************************************************
So, what are you doing about it?

1. Medication. Yes, I take prozac. (might want to cut the prozac jokes, you never know who is and is not taking it!). I have found it it to be VERY helpful. I do not have side effects. The only thing I might have is a little less energy and less appetite. But for the most part, prozac has been a god send for me. It bothers some people in my life that I need to take it. But I am okay with it, so they should be too. The question I get often is, "What if you have to take it forever?" My answer to that is becoming, "so what if I do? If it works, hey...." You wouldn't tell someone to stop taking blood pressure medication, heart medicine or chemo or whatever, right? Well, mental illness isn't really different. My brain has a chemical imbalance and prozac fixes it pretty good!

2. Therapy. I see a therapist. Not often, but often enough, if that makes sense. She has given me techniques like mindfulness (focusing on one thing, one worry at a time, for instance) and meditation. I like her. I think finding a good therapist is like finding a good friend or date. You need to try a few out first.

I'm sure I'll write more about this stuff later. I hope it hasn't made any of you too uncomfortable to hear about my craziness. :)

Summer Vacation and I feel like blawgin' again

2009-06-21T17:14:00.000-07:00

I looked at the last post and realized it has been 3 months since I updated this blog. It is proof positive that I really cannot work full time, mommy & wife full time, facebook, read my favorite books, garden, AND blog all at the same time.

So since work is on summer hiatus (hallelujah and amen....can I get an amen from the teachers in the audience?) I figure I will try to blog more frequently this summer. I am still doing some freelance writing jobs on the side and that keeps my writing muscles semi-sharp. However, blogging was what I really enjoyed. Too bad my husband fired me from my stay-at-home gig, or I would have kept blogging at Enjoy the Journey longer.

So let's see what has happened since that post 3 months ago:

1. The potatoes I mentioned planting on that day have now grown, matured, and we are eating on them daily. I go out to my potato box (yep, a box) and I dig down deep and pull up a few 'taters. They are, honestly, the BEST baby red potatoes I've ever eaten. I swear you do not realize how food flavor DIES over time when it is hauled from farm to factory to grocery store cross country. Picking them at your back door, washing them, and then cooking them up is a mystery to behold. One of the greatest simple pleasures of life really.

2. Simplify.... I'm still trying to simplify in '09. It has been my mantra all year and I'm going for it full gusto. I'm giving away things we don't need or use and I'm not sweating ebay. I'd rather GIVE it away. We've been so blessed to have others give us things, so why not?

3. Simple pleasures...I am trying to find the beauty in the everyday, ordinary things. A cool shower after a long day in the yard. Snuggling 5 extra minutes with my husband before we snooze off. Playing monopoly with my 8 year old even though I HATE that game (she loves it). Used book sales. Watching butterflies. Sipping mimosas on Saturday mornings. Watching my birds at the feeder.

4. I have been officially diagnosed with OCD and GAD. Obsessive-compulsive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder, if you're not into psychotic lingo. Was a relief to me, but not necessarily to some of my family. Some of them still don't understand WHY I need to take prozac to feel happy and calm. I just do. My brain is wired wrong. And for those of you who think about OCD and think it is where people wash their hands all day long and check the lights over and over you've watched one too many Datelines or 20/20 or movies. It CAN be like that, but not always. I have a mild case. My whole life I have been a ridiculous, frustrated perfectionist. I thought I was this way because my dad is this way. The older I got the harder it got to deal with. My "obsessions" are counting things, looking for patterns in numbers (gee, I became a math teacher? how odd?) and worrying. Yes, worrying can be a compulsion when you start worrying about NOTHING just because your mind needs something to worry about. I was a little ashamed at first, but now I'm out to change the face of OCD/GAD. I am a normal mom, school teacher, friend. Yes, I take prozac. I joke about being crazy, but honestly I am very, very normal. I just have a messed up brain. I will probably blog about this more later.

5. Jesus. I have struggled for about 2 years with religion and church. When we were homeschooling, I was on the very-conservative side of things. Too conservative. I was killing myself trying to keep up with the standard. So I gave up. And then somehow lost my religion. I lost Jesus. He didn't lose me...any good Baptist will tell you that. And I know that. I'm slowly on my way to finding Him again. We went to a new church today which I loved. Very laid back and contemporary. Non-judgemental. Not a social club or a place to flaunt your new beach condo or your new set of boobs to everyone (yes, Virginia, this happens at church more than you'd like to admit).

6. Speaking of homeschool and school---we made it through this year! I was really worried about the kids transitioning from me being home full time and homeschool to the (dreaded!) public school. Guess what? THEY ALL THREE LOVED IT. Well, Reece didn't like getting up early and most days it was a battle but once he got there, he loved it. The girls blossomed and did awesome. I felt comfortable with 95% of their year. Education-wise it was great. The only issues I had were with things from other students I didn't feel were appropriate. As a former homeschooling mom and still a huge homeschool advocate, I have a hard time giving up the control of their education when they are in the school doors from 8-3.

So much more to write, but I need to tuck the kids in bed. I'll try to be more frequent this summer. :)

Rome wasn't built in a day, you know

2009-03-22T12:57:00.000-07:00

I have to keep reminding myself over, and over, and over that it took my parents YEARS and YEARS of hard work, sweat, and tears to build what they have today. We moved into our new house in April of 2008. We've been here almost a year. I have done quite well unpacking, decorating, painting (new, but not exactly how we wanted it when purchased) and getting the house to feel like a home. Not just any home, but OUR home.

Then comes the yard. Gawd Almighty I hate red Carolina clay. It is hard packed and impossible to shovel sometimes, even when soaking wet. At our old house, I had spent 8 years working the soil, adding fertilizer, manure, and organic compost. It was just about perfect for flower planting. And...it took eight years to get it to that point.

I don't want to wait eight years to have my Better Homes & Gardens Yard. I really want it NOW.

This weekend we spent it almost entirely outdoors during the daylight hours. We planted things to eat: red potatoes, leeks, red lettuce, romaine lettuce, cilantro, and a few more chive plants.

We planted decorative things: a Carolina Jasmine to creep up the side of the house, a forsythia, double knock out roses, phlox, and I started my wildflower garden to attract the hummingbirds (I am nuts for bird watching, told you I was a geek).

We did maintenance: hauled rocks, more rocks, and even more rocks. I'm pretty sure our back acre will never quit producing rocks. (there's a reason they call this area "Old Mountain"!!!!) The rocks make beautiful and free flowerbed borders, but it is such hard work.

We did more maintenance: pulled weeds, put out pine needles, finished a natural area, put out fertilizer, put up a trellis, burned huge limbs from the back woods that needed to be dealt with, washed out the garage.

I'm sure we did more, but I am so tired I can't remember. And just think, in a few weeks it will be time to put the garden in!

It's time for a weekly check-in

2009-03-15T12:41:00.000-07:00

Part of me thinks I should just give up on blogging again. Real blogging, anyway. Like I used to do once-upon-a-time. But now there's facebook, and that seems more fun than blogging. Certainly the little snippets of writing fit into my life a great deal better than the lengthy blog posts I used to do over at Enjoy the Journey.

Today, after living in our house almost a year, we finally hooked up the stereo, surround sound, speakers, ipod dock and all the bells and whistles that we techno-geeks love. Amazing it took us a year to do it. Especially since I'm a get-it-done-now kind of gal. The problem comes from the fact Chad gets paid to do home theater & stereo installations as a side business on nights and weekends. When you are busy doing it for other people, you don't feel like fooling with your own stuff. Plus, the pay sucks when you're both boss and customer!

We're a technology driven household, I will admit. When people whine about DVR and iPods and things making their life so crazy, I just smile. I can find simplicity in technology and it doesn't ruffle my roots of simplicity too much. I really *am* a simplicity fan at heart. Must be my Quaker roots.

Where technology does get a little maddening is when I just spent the time/money/energy on a product I like, and then whamo-slam-o it is outdated and there is something better on the market...for less money than I paid for the first thing. Seriously, I think technology has made my life a little more simpler if you want to be honest. Instead of having to stop everything I am doing to watch my favorite show, I just DVR it and watch it commercial free when I want to do so. I know to some people in the simplicity movement, tv is evil incarnate, but I like it. I just do. Not a lot, but a little is perfect entertainment for me! Now, if we want to go back to the days with no electricity and no gadgets, I'd go with you. But since we're not living in that era, I'll take my tv and music, please.

My iPod is lovely as well. I can download JUST the songs I want and not waste my money on a CD that has only one good song on it. I can download podcasts and exercise & meditation music for free, which I am shamelessly addicted to. Podcasts are what I listen to in the car on my way to work in the mornings without kids. It has become a secret favorite time of mine each Monday-Friday morning for approximately 20 minutes. I can drink my coffee or sweet tea, depending on the day, and listen to what I want to listen to. I can drive fast, or slow, and I can just be alone for a few minutes. It is glorious.

Since this post is already quite random, I'll just keep throwing you curve balls. This upcoming week is rather lazy, and I'm thankful for it. I've got to do a few things in the yard to get ready for spring planting, and hopefully it will dry out long enough for me to get my potato bins ready. Yes, I'm growing taters in a big huge bin this year. Easier than managing a potato hill. It's an experiment. I will let you know how it goes. I'm so ready for warm weather and I'm like a kid waiting on Christmas for gardening season. The canned tomatoes, fresh berries and beans, and all those treasures will be worth the hard work come summertime.

This week is also the start of the NCAA basketball tournament, which is the holy grail of basketball that our household loves. It is the one time a year that I *might* pull for UNC, depending on who they are playing. I always start out with the attitude that I want the ACC to do as well as possible, but then I usually get cynical again and start rooting for Osama Bin Laden over Carolina quicker than you'd like to believe.

This week is also St. Patrick's Day. I'm not Irish-Catholic, but I am semi-Irish by marriage so we'll cook our brisket, taters, and I'll make homemade soda bread. I'll put green food coloring in the toilets and tell the kids the leprechauns must have pee'd in them. They always LOVE that, go figure. One year the leprechauns even turned our milk green!!!! This year the kids made leprechaun traps out of old boxes and string and hopefully they'll find some candy and pennies (gold) in them on Tuesday. It's the little things, really.

So that's about it. As one of my co-workers tells me, I'm an anal-retentive, but devoted mom. And I'm okay with that. I love those three little kids so much it hurts sometimes. I wish I could continue to homeschool and be with them all day, every day. But that life is gone far, far away and I will choose to be happy with the new normal in our home.

Depression Era Cooking

2009-03-04T14:22:00.001-08:00

There is a fabulously informative, entertaining (in a weird way) and sweet series on YouTube called Depression Era Cooking with Clara. I have watched all the episodes and have smiled through all of them. Not to mention I've picked up a few simple recipes I'd like to try. Oftentimes, we cooks over-cook----too many ingredients, too much fluff, too much money. Keeping it simple is a good way to cook too! As Clara cooks, she offers tidbits of her childhood and depression era memories.

Clara also has a website and I hear there is a dvd coming...might want to check it out!

What to do in a winter storm

2009-03-01T07:20:00.000-08:00

Right now it is just extremely rainy, muddy, and cold. But they say within a few hours we'll have a massive winter storm bringing us 6" of snow. (I'll believe it when I see it, but it does sound a like a sure thing this time) Crazy North Carolina weather!

Church is cancelled, life-as-we-know it has come to a standstill outside of every one's homes this Sunday morning. So what am I to do with a rainy, cold, stay-inside kind of day?

-blog, write and catch up on reading yours

-play boardgames with the kids. We've been playing Trouble all morning.

-make a big meal (spaghetti and homemade meatballs for lunch, anyone?)

-read one of the 10 books on my shelf that haven't been read yet? Problem is, I want to read them ALL right NOW and can't pick just one!

-scrapbook...I am so far behind. At this point I will never catch up. This is what working full time does to you!

-read the news online; recession/depression? I'm depressed just thinking about it.

-catch up on the stuff saved on the DVR? I have a few movies and shows saved I'd like to watch.

-watch a movie. What did we do before Netflix on the XBOX? Watch movies instantly! Love it...

-take a nap...no brainer, this is a good option

-snuggle husband and kids? Yes.

-play the Wii or the XBOX? I'll let the hubby and kids fight it out for who gets their gaming system on the big tv. I could care less. Well, Wii bowling is quite addictive when I get started.

-make a new playlist

-bake bread; always soothing

-make a pot of coffee

-write that paper I've been putting off? Nahhhhh, too practical!

-watch the birds on the feeder; they're going CRAZY today! I even braved the weather to fill all the feeders to the top so they won't go hungry in the snow.

-start some seeds inside; spring is right around the corner, right?

-balance the checkbook and pay bills. NO FUN!

-laundry....story of my life

So much to do, so little time!!! :) I love a good, lazy Sunday.

What we're doing in the recession/economic crisis:

2009-02-24T09:30:00.000-08:00

When it comes to being frugal, there's nothing new under the sun. But, we all need reminders from time to time. My advice for surviving the economic crisis/meltdown/recession/whatever-ya-wanna-call-it can be boiled down to basically one thing:

STOP BUYING CRAP YOU DON'T NEED. PERIOD.

That pretty much sums it up. But in case that isn't clear enough, here are some ways that we are saving money and surviving the current economy:

1. Quit the coffee buying habit. Invest in a good to-go cup or thermos, and brew your own. If you're a Starbucks addict you can still come out cheaper buying Sbux beans, grinding them yourself, and brewing at home. An $8 bag of Sbux beans will last me a month if I am smart. I like a fancy coffee as much as the next coffee nut, but $4.20 for a venti white chocolate mocha everyday is a real budget buster. Save the special coffee for a date night or special treat once in a blue moon, and learn to drink regular coffee day-to-day.

2. Most people will tell you to cut out cable/satellite. And that's a great tip. But, I'm not one of those people---yet. We're hanging on to our directv with a shaky grip. Why? It's basically our weekend entertainment. Don't get me wrong, we don't sit on the couch and watch tv all day and all night long, but a few of our favorite shows is a cheap weekend date as compared to dinner/movie out. We spend about $50 a month and as bad as this is to admit, the five of us enjoy tv as entertainment. Give up the movie channels and go with basic cable/satellite packages to save more money. If push comes to shove, I'll give up the satellite without a fight. It is $50 a month we could save and that is alot when someone is not working.

3. Cook. If you can't cook, learn how. It is so much cheaper than eating out! (and healthier too)

4. Likewise, grow a garden. Even if you only grow garlic, tomatoes and onions, the satisfaction you get from growing something yourself is enough to make you smile. AND....once you get the hang of it, you can grow enough produce to feed a small army each spring and summer!

5. Set up a savings account and forget about it. Have $20 a paycheck or whatever you can do directly transferred to said account. Let it sit and accumulate and forget it exists...well, until you need it, that is.

6. Save your change. We have a big water bottle that we throw our change in each day. Most months we end up with $30-50 in change. We cash this in at our credit union for free, and usually go on a date with it. Right now, it is our vacation fund.

7. Forget changing your oil every 3,000 miles. You can make it further. Not 10,000 miles mind you, but 4,000 will be just fine. That's like a "free" oil change every 3 times you get it changed!

8. Cut your own hair. Not for the faint of heart, but I cut my family's hair and everyone looks great. (except me, and I don't cut my hair---I am not THAT good)

9. Forgo all the birthday invites. I love my kids, and I am glad they have friends. But if we went to EVERY birthday party we were invited to, we'd be broke. I make my kids choose the parties they go to wisely. Is it simply a classmate, or a real friend?

10. In line with #9, frugal birthday parties. There is no reason every kid needs a dog-and-pony show birthday party each year. Instead, have big parties every 3 years or so, or for the big birthdays like 5, 13, and 16....or whatever. Most of my kids opt to have a few friends spend the night and have pizza and cake. And they LOVE it. I am sickened by the birthday "proms" that kids have these days. Too much!

11. Be a vegetarian when you can. I cook meatless at least one night a week. Soup, quiche, salad & baked potato night, etc. Stretches the grocery budget.

12. Experiment with cheap wine. Some cheap wine is actually very good. Not all, but some. Experiment a little. Redwood Creek is $9 for the magnum size and is one of my favorites. If you put it in a fancier bottle and told no one, they'd think it was the good stuff!!

13. Keep your wardrobe to a minimum. I know that some of my stylish friends are rolling their eyes, but hey, khakis and basic black tees never go out of style. Stock your wardrobe around that stuff, and add in fun pieces, rather than the other way around!

14. If you love to read: library. Beware, fines can creep up on you if you're not diligent about returning books on time. Most newer libraries have well stocked DVD's as well.

15. Cut your dryer sheets in half, and only wash clothes when you have full load. Wash on cold, unless it is towels & sheets and things that must have bacteria killed in a hot rinse.

16. Invest in a water filter and a good BPA free bottle, and quit buying bottled water. (greener too!)

17. Don't go window shopping. Saves gas and money and your sanity. Plus it cuts down on the "gimmies" and the "wants" quite well. Consolidate errand running into one trip per week.

18. Buy your produce at a farm stand or farmers market. Much cheaper than the grocery store. In fact, the more food you buy locally the cheaper and better usually! My spring/summer CSA is awesome and I get to support a local farmer.

19. Always grocery shop with CASH, a calculator, and a list. Who cares if you're embarrassed while using the calculator down the aisles? I don't. Keeps me on budget and outta trouble!

20. If you can, only shop once a month. Weekly trips get you in trouble unless they are for milk and bread only!

21. Stockpile toiletries when on sale.

22. Drug store cosmetics aren't going to kill you. Go without make up on the weekends and when you can get away with it. I hate makeup but I do wear it occasionally.

23. Take leftovers for lunch. I still order out on Fridays occasionally, but most days I brown bag it.

24. Keep a stocked pantry. Basics never go out of date when you cook regularly. I can't tell you the number of times we've had NO money left in the weekly budget but I didn't have to worry about groceries because my pantry was stocked!!!!

25. Eat less. We eat too much anyway.

26. Make your kids drink water instead of juice between meals.

27. Stay home as much as possible. Garden, read, enjoy the backyard....and its free.

28. Buy generic as much as possible. I have my brand loyal things like Tide and Simply Orange Juice. Yeah, and Method cleaners. But beyond that, I can handle generic!!!!

29. Don't buy your kids things that take batteries over and over and over and over....

30. Use water that you boil noodles, potatoes, and rice in to water plants. Let it cool first, dummy. The starch in the water is like miracle gro. Seriously!

31. Get your magazines on library trips and cancel subscriptions.

32. Get rid of netflix, etc. (but in some cases this is a better deal than having cable!)

33. Give yourself a manicure/pedicure and get over being pampered all the time. Nobody cares anyway.

34. Be a blessing to others. Give and ye shall receive. It really works that way, people.

35. Use CASH as much as possible. Credit is evil. Sometimes necessary, but evil all the same. I haven't had a credit card in years and love it. It is cash or debit only, baby.

36. Quit worrying about what everyone else thinks. Odds are, they're self-absorbed too. If you're happy with you, then you don't need the latest-greatest thing. It will be out of style and out of date eventually.

37. Freeze in the winter, burn in the summer. We keep the thermostat on 65 most days in the winter and sometimes even less. Summer, we keep it around 80. Yep. It keeps the gawd-awful bills at bay though.

38. Invite friends over for a meal and play cards. More fun than going out most of the time. Nobody has to be the DD!

39. Learn to do stuff yourself. We're getting ready to do our own tile backsplash. Oh, and quit watching HGTV and those channels. They're only trouble anyhow!

40. Make friends. When the **** hits the fan, you need good people to help pull you through the hard times. There is no therapy like a good, true friend.

Five weeks

2009-02-22T08:10:00.000-08:00

EEEP. It's been about five weeks since I updated the blog. I guess I've finally made the switch from my former power-blogger life (1-3 posts daily) to slacker-blogger (rarely post?).

I have been as I always tell you, extraordinarily busy with home, work, school, and family. I have recently started taking grad school classes, in addition to my working full time now as a teacher, and being a wife and mommy. There is a myth that women can have it all. It is a lie from the pit of hell. We can't have it all. Something has to give and something has to suffer when we take on too much. I will admit to having too many irons in the fire right now.

Life is moving forward at a clip-rate speed. I can't seem to keep up with it. I look around and my baby boy is now five years old and will be in Kindergarten in less than six months. It seems like just yesterday I had three kids, all aged 3 and under, and never thought I'd survive the sleepless nights. Guess what? I did. Now I have cars & college to look forward to!

Life is still a journey friends, and I'm hell bent on enjoying it while I can. Things in my life have changed drastically, some for the good and some for the not-so-good. I'm trying to process it all.

Here are few things going on in our household right now:

-garden planning for spring! I cannot wait for spring to get here when I will be in the yard & garden as much as possible. I'm currently devouring seed catalogs to see what I want to plant. This is the really fun part. I'm trying to decide if I am going to do my own REALLY BIG garden, or if I am going to go medium and still do my CSA.

-We're saving for a trip to Disney in June. Kids don't know. We've already paid the deposit and booked it and if we can have the balance paid by the end of April, we'll be Disney-bound in June. We plan on putting the kids in the car and telling them we're going to the beach or something like that. I'm sure around the 4th-6th hour in the car, they'll figure out we're NOT going to the beach, but we'll see!

-Economy has me down. Chad's work is still slow and we are now reliant on being a 2 income household. I've come to accept it. We're still being ridiculously frugal where we can. I'm just trying to prepare for a rainy day. It is a good possibility that within a year Chad may have no job at all, or be on layoff, so I am stocking my pantry, saving money, and doing things to get prepared. (I know a Disney trip doesn't seem to jive with this, but we'll only go if we have the money set aside in addition to our regular savings.)

-I've learned that there's drama in every job. I still like my job and my school very much. But it isn't problem free. That's why they call it WORK. If it was fun they'd call it FUN instead of work, or at least that is what my Daddy always taught me.

-Kids are healthy. Marcy's surgery in December was probably the best thing we could have done for her. She's eating and sleeping well again. I'm so proud of that girl. She's overcoming every obstacle. Our dream for her is still a healthy, happy, normal life. I got a letter the other day saying she was reading below grade level but I didn't let it fluster me. I decided that this kid is walking, running, and doing all the things the doctors said she probably wouldn't. We'll deal with the reading thing. (besides, I think it is a crock that kindergarten kids should be reading independently before the end of the year!)

-I miss homeschooling. God, I miss having the control of their education (see above point). I wish like everything we could go back to it. But we honestly cannot right now. Maybe in the future, but not the foreseeable future. My kids like school, so this is good. Cleo is doing excellent. Marcy likes it pretty good, and Reece is having fun in prek. We take it ONE DAY AT A TIME. Which is all you can do about anything.

-Church. Eh. I'm still feeling very apathetic towards church life and religion. I know it's the prozac. I am still amazed by God every single day and I truly love Him with all my heart. I just don't feel the need to push like I did before. I'm bothered that church seems more like a club than a body. I can't seem to get past that, and I'm not sure I ever will. We go to church every couple of weeks, and I always enjoy it, but I leave feeling really little different. Maybe it is my circumstances or the prozac. I don't know. I wish I could experience that deep feeling again. How Great Is His Love For Me----I do know this, and right now, it has to be enough.

-I recently found out some of our best friends have separated. I am very sad over it, but I will still be supportive and friends with both of them. I love both of them. I think it hits particularly close to home right now, because Chad and I have had our own share of struggles the past year. I don't want to elaborate more than I need to, because I truly, truly love my husband. I just have realized lately how much WORK marriage is. And like I said way up top on this post, YOU CANNOT HAVE IT ALL. SOMETHING WILL SUFFER. And I am having to learn to prioritize better so that my family does not suffer.

-See above; I'm reading The Love Dare. So far, so good.

That's about it. Just wanted to touch base with my 10 readers. I apologize for being so absent here. I do miss all of my Enjoy the Journey friends very much!

Streamline & Simplify Part Deux

2009-01-11T10:47:00.000-08:00

Sorry folks for my writing lapses. Monday-Friday I'm a wife, mom, teacher, and various other titles and writer isn't on the top of that list, unfortunately. Some days I really wish I could go back to freelancing and making a decent living at it. Maybe one day. Maybe.

So back to "Lindsey's Word for 2009" which is now really a phrase: streamline & simplify!

If you want to really get good advice, go to one of my favorite blogs in the world, Zen Habits. Don't let the title turn you off. It is an excellent source on productivity and simple living. Leo Babuta is a zen master at well, you guessed it.....being zen.

Last week I tackled laundry & lunches, two of my biggest problem areas as a wife and mom. I detest doing both of them, but alas, it is a necessary evil in our household. This week I'd like to give you some quick bullet points on how I plan on simplifying and streamlining my life this year. Some I'll do, others I'll goof up on and throw out the window. That is okay. I know I'm not perfect. Close, but not perfect. :)

-Magazines. I have way too many subscriptions because I love, love, love to read. Problem is, I get a new magazine at least once a week and I can't keep up with the magazine clutter as much as I'd like to. I decided to bare bones my magazine reading to a few favorites:
Taste of Home
Better Homes & Gardens
Mother Earth News (you didn't know I was this crunchy, did you????)
Our State
Organic Gardening

I really want to subscribe to Real Simple but that is sort of an oxymoron, isn't it? So I will continue to read it at the library and be frugal about it. I will also purge my magazines every month to stay on top of the clutter.

-Which leads us to....the Library.
I am a library nut. I should have ditched my plans to be a teacher and majored in library science instead. Yeah, I'm such a geek. But I'm cool with it. Each week I used to make a trip to ONE of THREE of my favorite libraries. We would haul in a milk crate and we would load it up to the top with books. This was in our homeschooling days when it was easier and a necessary part of my curriculum. Now, the library isn't as essential because I'm working and the kids are in school full-time. I miss it. I need to make a better effort to get my reading supplies from the library and not amazon. Much better on the pocketbook, and greener too.

Cooking.
I love to cook. Let's rephrase: I love to eat. Therefore, I love to cook. However, I dislike cooking on busy nights when I've just rushed home from school/work. I feel frazzled and mentally fuzzy and the last thing I feel like doing is making fillet Mignon with a lime curry and baked Alaska for dessert. The ideal cooking for me is done on the weekends when I have time to peruse my cookbooks and drink a ~~glass~~ bottle of wine while I whip something gourmet up for all of us. So I've come to terms with it and decided that weeknights will be lots of salads and grilled chicken, while the gourmet stuff comes on the weekends. Easier on me, and easier on the pocketbook too. And NO MORE EATING OUT when we're tired. The budget can't handle it and neither can my waistline.

More to come on this later. Gotta dash and go snuggle some children....

Lindsey's word for 2009

2009-01-04T11:52:00.000-08:00

(NOTE: For those of you who read my blog as notes imported onto facebook, you can view my real blog at http://thenormalmiddle.blogspot.com/ if you'd prefer to see photos and those things. At this point, my blogging is light and I'm not sure how often I will post. )

I chose "simplify" as my it-word for 2009. Maybe I should have gone with a more descriptive word....simplify seems rather vague the more I meditate on it. So here's a better word:

Streamline.

That is, essentially, what I want to do this year. Everything in my life, from weight to finances, to cooking and laundry, my job, my kids' homework, reading, crafts, household clutter, paperwork, you name it----STREAMLINE.

I'm already a minimalist. I don't "do" clutter. (a rare benefit of having OCD, I think) And having grown up Quaker, I like to think I'm already pretty well versed in HOW to be SIMPLE. I don't need a great deal of lessons on the matter, I just need to actually DO more of it. I also know myself, and I know that it takes me a good month to make something a real habit. I need to do it over, and over, and over. Repetition makes it stick.

Not that you're interested, and you're probably not; but I plan on talking about a few of the ways I plan to simplify and streamline the Cox Family Household in 2009. Feel free to add your own thoughts or ideas. I'm open to new ideas. Honestly, I am.

LAUNDRY:
This one is killer for me. I detest doing laundry with every fiber of my being. And you would too if you saw the amount of laundry we create. Two adults, three kids. Even the dog creates laundry once in awhile! Workout clothes, school clothes, at-home lounging clothes, pajamas, and let's not forget the worst offenders of all---Chad's work clothes! If I don't do at least one load a day, I'm sunk. I've tried bribing the kids and husband to quit throwing everything in the laundry basket. Please re-wear your jeans if they're not dirty! I have a "you must wear your pj's at least 2-3 times" rule. Doesn't matter. We still have kazoodles of laundry.

So this year, I plan on really sticking to a system that I found worked well for me when I actually employed it as a stay-at-home mom. Marla Cilley of Flylady encourages her devotees to "reboot" the laundry every morning. That is, as soon as you get out of bed, start a load. Just like you boot your computer to use it, you boot your laundry daily. And since I get up at o-dark-thirty every morning, I have plenty of time to wash a load. Then, it sits and waits for me while I work. When I get home in the afternoon, I can dry it, fold it, and put it away as soon as I get home. No procrastination. No refluffiing the laundry ten times before I actually take it out of the machine and fold it.

I wish there was a more fun way to tackle laundry. Sadly, I've not found a way. You just have to DO it.

PACKING LUNCHES:
This one is rather fun for me, since I like to cook. What I don't like about packing lunches, is feeling rushed in the morning. Streamline, remember. So my plan for the next few weeks is to cook and do things on Sunday afternoons while we watch football & basketball (our kitchen is conveniently open to the living room, I love that!). Today I made a big pot of chicken soup and I chopped veggies for salads while watching football. I also made fresh bread.

I am not a sandwich person. I detest turkey and cheese for lunch everyday. But it is too hard to worry about lunch when there are no leftovers to take from the night before. That is when I reach for a hot pocket or something convenient. This week it is soup and salad for lunch when there are no leftovers. And it is much healthier.

Cleo packs her own lunch and Marcy tries to pack hers. I have reorganized the pantry so that all of their lunch stuff is within reach. All the fruit cups, applesauce, chips, cookies, and crackers are at the bottom so they can easily put them in their boxes daily.

More to come later! Give me your great ideas. I want to hear them.

Looking Back at 2008

2008-12-31T10:16:00.001-08:00

I must first admit that 2008 was both a good and bad year---but then again, aren't they all? The Cox Family weathered a great deal of change in the past year. But we came out on top, kicking and screaming, and that's a good thing.

This is as best as I can remember, the year in review:

JANUARY:
We finally succumbed to the black mold in the gawd-awful rent house (I affectionately called it the "crack house.") and moved in with Chad's parents. There are not enough words I have to thank them for allowing us to move in: 2 adults, 3 kids, a stinky basset hound and lots of stuff. They must love us. January was, in retrospect, a great month.

FEBRUARY:
I, Lindsey, could see the writing on the wall, so I began to seriously job hunt. I gave up the idea of being a professional freelancer because writing jobs just didn't pay the bills. I started calling principals and schools and sending out resumes. This was a month fraught with anxiety, to say the least. I will admit now that being a stay-at-home, homeschooling mother for 7 years spoiled me rotten. The idea of working full time again was hard, but the idea of putting the kids in public school was even harder. Cleo had a small tumor removed off her ear, and it turned out to be benign. February sucked, and was a month full of many tears.

MARCH:
Secured a job---in middle school, no less! We found a house we loved----and made a ridiculously low offer, and it was accepted. The house was only 8 miles from my new school, and things began to feel like they were settling into place. March was a GOOD month.

APRIL:
Frantically prepared for the new house, closed late April, and spent the whole month on major anxiety----finishing up mortgage paperwork, looking at "the bottom line" over and over again. Good month, but probably the most stressful I've experienced in awhile. In the middle of all of this, I decided to take down Enjoy the Journey, my award-winning blog. I'd worked on it for years, had over 1,000 readers a day, and I trashed it. I don't exactly know why, and sometimes regret it to this very day, but it was what needed to be done. I quit homeschooling and very reluctantly put Cleo into public school to finish the year, so she could get used to the idea of "real school." I was a basketcase. April was----well, in a word: WEIRD.

MAY:
Spent the month unpacking, unboxing, organizing, setting up my garden, doing yardwork. We celebrated 9 years of marriage. May was a busy, fruitful , beautiful month.

JUNE & JULY:
I decided in June that I would relish every single second I had left as an at-home mom with the kids. We did the pool or beach just about every day. We played outside, and had a blast. The best summer we've ever had. In the back of my mind, I was starting to panic about work.

AUGUST:
In short: August was depressing. I was not at all excited about my re-entry into the classroom and leaving the kids all day. I began to panic deeply. At this point, my friend who is also a doctor told me I needed to go on Prozac. It helped. Meanwhile, Chad's work continued to slooooooowwwww down like the economy.

SEPTEMBER:
School in full swing; the Cox house spent the month trying to adjust to everyone being gone all day, and getting up at 5 am. Kids all three LOVE school, which makes me happy. And oddly enough, prozac or not, I love my job. Teaching again is fun, and the paycheck ain't bad either. My job turned out to be a really good one. Cleo turned 8. Great month.

OCTOBER:
I really don't remember alot about this month. Must be the blur of everyday life....back to work and school, humdrum days of normalcy. Oh yea, and all the talk of politics 24/7 drove me NUTS. I guess it was a good month?

NOVEMBER:
November was probably the worst month of the year. Economic meltdown, Chad's job was really slow, and we were really scared to even look at our 401K's. I had worked enough and long enough for it to start to get old. Honeymoon over. I had a mini-break down, because I missed homeschool and the kids a great deal. My saving grace was that the kids LOVED school very much, so I was at least happy they were happy. I turned 31. Obama wins the election. I hated November.

DECEMBER:
Here we are. It's almost over. December was a crazy month too----Marcy had surgery that we weren't really planning on but it was a good thing in the end and she's healthier than she's been in months. Marcy turned 6, Reece turned 5, and Chad turned 33. Oh yea, and we had Christmas. We kept it very simple this year due to economic and life circumstances, and it was probably the best Christmas we ever had. I like simple. It is going to be my theme for 2009! December was: FAST.

I'm sure I've forgotten many things both significant and not, but that is the gist of the past year. Goodbye 2008. Don't let the door hit you in the ass. I'm hopeful that 2009 will bring better and brighter things to our lives.

Life. Is. Good.

2008-12-27T15:56:00.001-08:00

Christmas was nice. Going simple was a good plan; we all enjoyed having less fluff and fuss with Christmas.. Even the kids seemed happier---they spent more time playing with what they got, instead of participating in a wild marathon of gift opening. I was pleased with our decision to downsize the Holiday and I think it will be a good idea to keep for years to come, good economy or not. And the after-effects of a simple Christmas are nice too; much less "mess" to organize, clean up, and put away. I've already taken down the tree, put away the boxes, and organized the kids rooms, and it was MUCH easier this year than ever before.

Right now as I type, I am on the couch with my laptop, blanket covering me, snuggled beside my girls. The kids are watching The Clone Wars with Dad, and I'm blogging. All is right in my world. I am one very blessed individual.

This week will be busy I guess. Chad & Reece have birthdays this week and we have New Year's Eve and Day to tackle---but there again, without much pomp and circumstance. The birthday boys have a few small gifts to open and I will make a special meal and cake for them. New Years Eve we have no plans, like always. Maybe one day when the kids have flown the nest we'll go out and party the night away on New Years Eve, but for now, it is bubbly at home with Dick Clark and some good movies. Today we bought a 550 piece puzzle, so I think we'll break that out for something fun to do.

I had grand plans for painting the kitchen and dining room, but I'm not sure that will get accomplished this week. I need to do yard work, and some other home projects. But napping and movie watching are quite nice, and I have only one week left off work. So we'll see what happens.

I have a post swirling in my noggin about how I'm going to simplify the new year, but I think I will rest on that for now.

Snuggle your loved ones. Relish your family.

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas...

2008-12-21T12:07:00.000-08:00

It is going to be a busy week, for sure.
So in case I don't get in to tell you all Merry Christmas (and Happy Chanukah for my Jewish friends & family) I want to do it now.

I am so excited about this year's Christmas. It is probably the smallest scale we've ever done, and I'm thrilled about it.

We've greatly simplified the parties, exchanges, gifts, and everything...with the exception of the Wii the kids will get from Santa Christmas morning (and I wish it was coming from us instead of Santa, because *I* want the credit!). We did go a bit bigger in the gift department for the kids, but that is all they're getting and it is divided amongst the three of them. So honestly, we may have spent less this year since we didn't have to do all the American Girl Dolls & Accessories like in Christmases past!

We decided not to exchange with our family---just a little something from the kids to the grandparents and vice versa, but no adults drawing names or swapping gifts. And I love it. We plan on gathering for a meal and enjoying the company of one another more than anything else. This is how it is supposed to be, if you ask me. I think the over-indulgence of the past few decades is a prime reason we are in such a global recession. To think we were once spending $100 per adult in our family! And spending thousands of dollars at Christmas! Geez whiz....

Then next week it is Chad & Reece's 33rd and 5th birthdays, respectively. We will be celebrating again.

And then New Year's which I always do up with a big family meal for good luck in the New Year. I don't really believe in luck, but you do what you gotta do, and who is to say this year won't be my year??? :)

So rest and relax dear friends. Enjoy your friends and family this CHRIST-mas season. I pray it is one of the best ever for y'all.

2008-12-16T10:12:00.000-08:00

Most of you know my daughter Marcy had surgery yesterday; I'm busy with taking care of her and have been the past week, so I haven't written anything. Please excuse me for a bit. Here I go announcing my return to blog-dom and I don't even blog! :)

Merry Christmas. Love those around you. Yesterday at the Children's hospital we sat with a family whose 18 year old daughter was in surgery having 5 tumors removed. This 18 year old had cancer several years ago and they were concerned it had returned.

Perspective. Makes my problems seem minuscule. We all need to balance our perspective every once in awhile.

Much love....off to snuggle the patient!

Each year, I simplify more and more and more

2008-12-08T07:35:00.001-08:00

Every single year I vow that I am going to make Christmas more simple than the last year. And oddly enough, I really do.

In fact, it is starting to scare me. I might get Christmas so simple we're down to a Little House on the Prairie Christmas with oranges and peppermint sticks. Well, okay...I'm not even close to that yet. The kids are getting a Wii this year and that is in a galaxy so far from simple it isn't even funny.

I'm mainly talking about the cookie swaps/secret santas/parties/cards/gifts-for-everyone-you-know type of things. Those are out, out, out! and Yay, yay, yay for it! I have trimmed everything down to only those things I consider essentials. We are not even swapping gifts with my parents or Chad's parents this year. We're instead gathering for a meal, presents for the kids, and enjoying time together.

I think I rather like being in a recession. Seems to make EVERYONE play along with the simplicity theme.

Even our family activities have been trimmed to those we value and want to cultivate the most. Sunday night Advent dinners by candlelight. Still in.

Expensive over-priced tours of lighted villages and Santa's workshop at the mall? Out.

Snuggling up by the tv to watch Frosty together: In.

Paying someone to take expensive photos of my kids: Out.

150 Christmas cards with photo for everyone we know and don't ever see: Out.

38 Christmas cards to those we truly call our closest friends and family? In. And I took the picture myself.

Paying for the kids to go to breakfast with Santa? Out.

Making our own cookies and eating them at home as a family? In.

You get the picture. Quit forcing yourself to do things you don't want to do in the first place. SIMPLIFY. SIMPLIFY. SIMPLIFY.

The weekend...

2008-12-07T10:59:00.000-08:00

We've alternated turns throwing up, cleaning aforementioned stuff up, sleeping, taking care of sick kids, and doing a lot of NOTHING.

Right now I feel MUCH better but Marcy is still very ill. She has a high fever and cannot shake this bug. She goes on Tuesday to the children's hospital for a surgery consult regarding her airway----so her being sick makes me even more nervous. Those of you who know her and us know that Marcy has a depressed immune system from all her medical issues. But on top of that, she also has nerves of steel and can pretty much take any pain life throws at her better than most adults. So the fact she's slept for the last 8 hours tells me she is one sick, sick little girl.

Thus my battle with my own conscience. Do I work tomorrow?

I need to "save" my days for when she has her surgery in a few weeks. I am going to be out Tuesday all day because we have her appt at Brenner Children's Hospital and it will be an all-day fiasco as those appointments always are.

I really need to work tomorrow for several reasons (mainly financial, save those days!) but I also do not want to pawn off my very sick daughter to someone else for the day. We have plenty of available friends and family who would do it for me, but it makes me feel like one crappy mother when I have to make these calls.

I am struggling. With myself.

I am quickly realizing the heavy guilt that comes along with earning a paycheck----it is included pro bono with being a working mother. I now wish in my former stay-at-home mom days I would not have been quite so critical of those mothers who left their children behind to go to work for whatever reason. Inside, I wanted to believe I was morally superior and cared more about my kids because I chose to go without and be at home full time. I know now how stupid it was of me to feel superior in anything.

Motherhood is hard, no matter how you "do" it.

Get an alarm system!

2008-12-04T17:09:00.000-08:00

I'm still freaked out over what transpired today.

First off, I have to say we are okay and nothing bad happened. Too much, anyway. I got a call at school about 10:30 that my alarm had gone off at home. I didn't freak out at first, because, well---alarms sometimes go off for no reason, or for the wind, or whatever. But the second phone call to my room was my neighbor, who said she would go in my house and check things out, but my french doors were wide open and she was pretty sure we'd been broken into.

I then FLEW out of school (my poor students were scared, I think) and headed home. I was the first one on the scene because my school is 8 miles from my house. My dad and my husband were en route and the sheriff was on his way (he was the last one to show up, go figure).

When I arrived I was too scared to go into the house alone so I waited. My dad got there right behind me and he went in with me. Nothing was gone that we could find, but my french door (the ones which stay shut and locked 24/7, we don't use them) was wide open and the tea cart by the door had drawers hanging open.

Best we can figure, someone knocked open the door, the alarm tripped (the french doors do not have a delay, thank the Lord!) and they got scared, quickly looked thru the drawers and found nothing but candles and kids' drawings, so they bolted and ran.

While I am very thankful my stuff is still here (laptop, tv, ipods, kids Wii for Christmas, etc) I am feeling VERY vulnerable and violated in a weird way. My car got broken into a little over a year ago at a park, and that scared me for months. The house being broken into is even worse.

Since nothing was taken, we decided NOT to tell the kids. Our house is still new to them and the last thing I want them to do is to feel unsafe here. It is bad enough I feel the way I feel---imagine being a 5, 6 or 8 year old and being worried about your safety?

The sheriff gave me a few tips today and I'll pass them along:

1. During this season, even if you are tempted to leave blinds and shades up during the day to let light/heat in, DO NOT DO IT WHEN YOU ARE AWAY. All they want to see is a tv or even presents under the tree and they will bust in for just one thing sometimes, if it is in plain view. In other words, keep doors locked, shades drawn, blinds CLOSED when you are away from home.

2. Do not keep "stuff" in your yard, or outside in view of anyone. 4 wheelers, motorcycles, kids hi-tech toys, fishing boats, hunting supplies like deer stands and targets, etc scream to thieves "hey! we've got toys here! rob us!!!" Sheriff said hunting stuff was a big no-no because it tells a thief you've probably got a gun they can steal, and right now stealing guns is a big thing.

3. If you can afford it, have an alarm system. I am proof positive they work. Had we not had the alarm, our house would have been ransacked and empty. I was always critical of alarm systems, thinking it was too much money to spend. Well, my $15 a month is WELL WORTH IT NOW, I tell you!

Be safe and smart this season.

The things that hurt the most

2008-12-03T12:51:00.000-08:00

I'm fairly certain the only folks who will read this blawg will be those loyal and devoted former readers of my previous blog and perhaps a few friends and family who like to keep up with what we're doing (and what I'm saying about them, of course). So I won't go into a long recount of what has been going on in my life in the past year since I stopped blogging. Brief synopsis is this:

-Husband's job went south
-Sold house, lived in a yucky rent house for 5 months, with my inlaws for 3 months
-Me, stay-at-home, staunch homeschooling advocate decides to get a job to help out
-Quits homeschooling, puts kids in school, and goes back to teaching in---gasp---PUBLIC school (my former arch nemesis)

Here we are approximately a year later. We have a nice new house we LOVE. The kids love it. I am working again. Most days I honestly do love my job. I like teaching again. It feels natural to me. I miss the kids like crazy though, and my control-freak self has a hard time with them being in school out from under my wing. But, my saving grace is that the kids LOVE school. I mean, love it-love it. As in, Cleo would run away from home if I tried to pull her out and homeschool again. And why is that my saving grace? Well, I am happy THEY are happy. My prayer all along was that they would adjust to their/our new "life" and they have very well. Indeed, they are thriving.

Me, not so much. I don't know if it is the holidays or what, but I am in a funk these days. The first four months of working/teaching were pretty good. I felt okay. I was happy. The past few weeks I've been so frustrated and aggrivated and I really, really, really miss the kids.

But it is life and I must wear my big-girl panties and deal with it. I am blessed to have a job when many do not. I am so very, very blessed that I had 7 years at home full-time and was able to give them a great start. I firmly believe the reason they are doing so well in school is the time I spent 1-on-1 in our homeschooling activities.

I have so much to talk about, but not the wherewithal to do it at once. But that's the catch-you-up quick version for today.

Keep me in your prayers.

I miss writing, I really do...

2008-06-21T16:25:00.000-07:00

Oh my gawsh, I don't know what to do with this blawg. I really don't. I *WANT* to write. There is so much I want to say and putting it to page/sight makes me process it much better. But I also want to protect my privacy for awhile longer. The blogging before got out of hand a little bit. I became consumed with trying to please my readers, and well, I couldn't do it.

I miss blogging and I don't. I can't seem to stay away, because I'm still out there reading blogs and commenting on a select few like crazy.

Since I am returning to the classroom as a teacher in August, I desperately want to keep my privacy online. You never know what an angry parent might do with a blog post, you know? And I'm not sure how good I will do with not revealing my kids names, and giving out that sort of day-to-day information that is so easy to write about.

On top of all of those concerns is the fact that this blawg, if I indeed proceed here, will be very different from my former now-defunct blog. I've evolved as a person in so many ways in the past few years. I'm no longer the ultra-conservative fundamentalist I once strictly adhered to. I've really changed my position on so many issues. However, I am still very much a Christian and I love God. I'm just nowhere near as legalistic as I was before. Not to mention I have no desire to make this blawg a place where we swap peach pie recipes and discuss homemaking and try to make working moms feel horrible. Been there, done that. I'm a little bit burnt out on "mommy porn" blogs. (in case that phrase makes you nervous---I use the phrase "mommy porn" for those perfect-mother-who-does-everything-right-bakes-from-scratch-and-sews-her-own-designer-purses types of blogs. I could give you 10,000 examples, but I am too tired of them to even attempt it)

So anyway. Stay tuned. Who knows?