I've recently (like, just today) started The Mood Cure diet. I'm doing my own variation of it. Basically it is an eating plan that helps people like me who are prone to depression/anxiety/general craziness balance and manage our emotions with our diet. Think: lots of protein, NO refined sugars, very little carbs. Lots of veggies and fruits (raw of course) and some meat. No processed foods, no sugars (drat!) and you guessed it, no alcohol. I should cut caffeine too, but I can't give up my morning coffee just yet. I plan to transition to decaf in time, but for now, sugar is the vice I'm trying to give up. Supposedly dumping sugar will make my serotonin soar and I will feel a lot better. And, I should lose 10-20 pounds to boot, so that's a nice side effect that I could certainly use.
I'm trying very hard to keep moving forward now that I am OFF medication. I am happier off my meds. Prozac and ativan made me sleepy, sedated, and I generally felt a dull/numb sort of sadness 24/7. Now that the meds are out of my system, I am laughing again and I find humor again, which is a wonderful thing indeed. I've also felt like I have more energy; another good thing. I've always had really crazy, wild dreams, but prozac made them a great deal worse. The dreams, while fun at times, can be quite intense and I'm happy to report they've subsided as well since going off my meds.
But lest you be fooled, it isn't all sunshine and roses. I have my moments as well. My frustration level is definitely lower---little things are setting me off again and I find myself anxious for no real reason again. It isn't crippling most of the time, but it isn't pleasant either. I'm trying to pray, breathe, and talk myself off the ledge when I have these moments. Journaling, like I'm doing right now really tend to help me as well.
I still feel sad more than I should. For instance, this weekend Chad and I were at Cracker Barrel with the kids, and I just started crying at the table. I had my reasons, but really.....do I need to cry in the middle of Cracker Barrel? It wasn't like someone had died...it was just a general sadness that had been building for a few days, exacerbated by the holiday stress of Thanksgiving, and whamo----I'm crying! Sometimes the tears are so intense that I can't seem to stop the flow of them with just my willpower. That will take some work. I wear my emotions on my sleeve and it is difficult to turn them off when it is an inconvenient time.
I'm also trying very hard to identify the stressors in my life. Right now, my job is very stressful. Anyone who thinks teachers only work til 3:15 and have their summers off need their heads examined. My job is a huge source of stress for me. I enjoy TEACHING. I just don't enjoy all the paperwork, meetings, and other general "BS" that goes with the job. If I could just shut my door and do my thing, my students and I both would be all the better for it. But that isn't public education. There is always some new program or guru that has something they want to
I am streamlining my life and circling the wagons so to speak. If it isn't something that is drastically important to me, my husband, or my kids, it is OUT, OUT, OUT OUT OUT! I don't have time for unnecessary interruptions and stresses in my life. Does this mean I hole up in my house and never go anywhere or do anything? Hell no. I'm as busy as everyone else. Too busy...hence my reason to try and streamline. I am trying to limit our outside activities. The kids don't need added stress and fourteen afterschool activities. My budget can't handle a thousand lessons either. So we let the kids pick one thing at a time. Anything above that has to be pre-approved by the whole family or it has to be something we do together, like church. (which, by the way is a whole 'nother post---my AWESOME church Daystar Christian Fellowship in Greensboro is helping me heal too!)
I've thought about minimalizing other things in my life, including facebook. How many friends do you need anyway? Why keep people on who never comment nor care about my life? I'm decluttering as always at home. I don't need unnecessary clutter around me. It's just more to clean and dust, right? Simplify, simplify, simplify.
Again, I struggle with how much to share about all of this. There are people in my life who are insanely private people and they just don't feel comfortable with my level of sharing. But, it is who I am. I've always been a public kind of person when it comes to stuff like this. I figure, why hide it? Maybe I can help someone else. My only fear is that someone will label me and put me in a box that fits nicely on their shelf somewhere---you know, the "crazy" box.
Gotta go help Cleo write her report on India for school. I'll leave you with this brain dump, until next time.